Page 40 of Shut Up and Drive

“Then the little snort that came out when he laughed about it would’ve killed you on the spot.”

I can’t stop the excitement bubbling out of me. “One hundred percent deceased.”

Thane smiles and shakes his head. “The moral of the story is, sometimes you just have to let life come as it does. A whole slew of mishaps happened that day on the way to the airport. Had I been freaking out and in a complete rush, I wouldn’t have had the time to help a person in need. That person just so happened to be the only man on your Hall Pass, so luck was truly in my favor that day. But the lesson remains: sometimes you just have to let life control itself sothat the experiences you’ve only ever dreamed of can catch up to you.”

I sit back in my seat and stare at the photo on my phone, letting his words sink in.

“Hmmmm. That’s pretty profound for such a bonehead as yourself,” I tease, and nudge his elbow.

“See? I’m more than just a pretty face,” he says.

He takes the last bite of his burrito and crumples up the wrapper.

I crumple mine, take his wrapper, and throw them both in the grocery bag garbage can. “My turn to ask you a question. The Henry story doesn’t count.”

Thane’s mouth drops open to argue when I jump in.

“Tell me more about your travels. We barely skimmed the surface last night.”

“Do you want the surface-y itinerary, or the deep parts?” he asks.

I sit in thought for a moment. “Let’s go somewhere in the middle. Not the kiddie pool, but not the deep end either.”

He nods. “Got it. Let’s see how to frame this for a mediocre swimming experience. Well, you already know I started out in Costa Rica. I was down on my luck with no clear path ahead, and I felt like maybe I could redeem myself by doing some good in the world, so my dad found a charity for me to work with that built schools and homes.”

“And did you find the redemption you were after?”

He pauses. “Not really. The harder I tried to prove to myself that I was worthy of goodness, the harder life became. I struggled with feeling like anything I did was enough. Likesomehow I could buy the feeling of worthiness with acts of goodwill toward others. It was one of the darkest points in my whole life. Nothing I did made me feel better inside.” The tone in his voice tightens and he takes a steadying breath. “I was sad inside and out, and nothing but skin and bones. After a year there, I got really sick with malaria, and my dad talked me into coming back to the U.S. to get medical treatment. I didn’t want to come home to New York, so I caught the first plane out and ended up in Key West, Florida.”

I tuck my feet underneath me in my seat and put my back against the door while Thane speaks. I had no idea he had been sick, and I ache at the thought of him being alone. “Why didn’t you want to come home?”

“Answering that might cross the lines into deeper water,” he says cautiously. “We can put a pin in that one until later.”

I inhale sharply and my heart stops in my chest. “Okay.”

He stayed away because of me.

My eyes sting in the corners and I blink furiously to force away the emotion. The truth is, Iwasmad at him for leaving. Deep down, I still am. But I never stopped to consider the fact that his leaving hurt him as much as it hurt me. I, at least, had family to lean on. He had no one. No wonder he felt so alone.

I pull off my sunglasses and dab at a tear with my sleeve, trying my best to hide my face from him.

He reaches over from the steering wheel and squeezes the hand on my knee. Our eyes meet and the sincerity in his catches me off guard. The way he comfortsmewhen he’s the one reliving a painful memory makes me doubt my resolve to keep him at arm’s length.

I don’t want to feel anything. I want to be a robot. An island, completely unaffected by his words and his touch. But that small gesture breaks through my heart-walls like the Kool-Aid Man. I’m not even sure that he knows the gravity of what he has done, because after a moment, he puts his hand back on the wheel and continues.

“I spent a few days in the hospital there until I was strong enough to stand, then I went to the docks to look for work. There, I met a retired Coast Guard captain named Finnegan Hodges running a fishing charter. He gave me a job on the open ocean, and bought me a beer when I turned twenty-one. I found a room in town with an old widow, and I fixed things around her house. In exchange, she gave me a good price for rent. I really loved the slow life there in Key West, but I still felt restless.

“So, after a big hurricane destroyed Finn’s boat and he had to lay me off, I wandered around in California for a bit?—“

“—Where you met the breathing guru?” I interrupt.

He smiles and looks over at me like we share a secret. “Yep! Then after that, I got a job on a cruise ship and ended up in Europe.”

“That sounds like fun. Did you enjoy it?”

“At first, yeah. It was like being perpetually on vacation. I tried to have more fun and make the best of where I was. But I was constantly being hit on by women passengers looking for a vacation fling. They made me feel cheap and disposable, and created a larger void than I hoped they’d fill. I met some fun friends on the crew, though, andwe still stay in contact. When my contract was up, I signed up for one last job in the Mediterranean and went ashore in Spain.”

“I have always wanted to go back to Europe,” I say with a sigh. “It’s been so long I almost don’t remember it.”