Page 34 of Shut Up and Drive

I let out an exasperated growl and shoved the keys into his hand. “I hate you, Thane Donnelly.”

I lied like a dog.

He leaned in way too close. “You love me, and we both know it.” His words danced across my skin like ballerinas in Swan Lake, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I startled at his accusation and stepped backward. He had never said anything like that to me before, and I was so caught offguard, I forgot my own name. He disarmed me with those seven words, and my jaw slacked open. When his eyes dropped to my lips for half a second, I wondered if he knew he’d called my bluff. I blinked several times before I fixed my face into a scowl.

“You wish.”

His smile widened across his face as he opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. “Maybe I do. What are you gonna do about it?” Then he slammed the door, punctuating his comment with finality.

He left me frozen next to the front fender, gaping at him through the windshield as he nonchalantly buckled his seatbelt and started the engine. He put the car in reverse, then mouthed at me through the window, “You coming?” and shrugged his shoulders.

I nodded my head and re-centered my focus.You hate him because you can’t have him, remember, Sera? That’s not the same as loving him.I reminded myself under my breath as I rounded the front of the car.

I was an awkward mess trying to make quick sense of what had just happened when Thane laid on the horn and sent me flying out of my own skin. I screamed, jumped six feet into the air, and gritted my teeth as I yelled his name. His laugh taunted me from inside the car, and my butterflies faded into a desire to put peroxide in his shampoo bottle.

I opened the passenger door and slumped into the seat. “You’re the absolute worst, and if my mom didn’t make me bring a babysitter to town with me, I would never want to be seen in public with you!”

“Stop, Fina, you’re making me blush,” he teased, and backed out of the driveway.

My arms enveloped my body to keep my insides where they belonged while my mind reeled—confused and angry and curious. It was hard keeping my wits around Thane, while simultaneously wanting to murder him. He was all I knew of love, and to some, it may not seem like love at all. But I knew for certain that I would give my heart to him in a New York minute if he requested it. I also knew that he would take a right hook to the mouth for me, because he had the scar to prove it. That knowledge, combined with his flirty comment, twisted my brain into knots the more I tried to understand it.

The South Carolina forests passed outside my window, and I stared in silence as houses tucked far back from the road dotted the landscape every so often. I focused on the scenery, breathing in and out intentionally, trying to calm my galloping heart. I was silent in the passenger seat, mulling over how to handle this shopping trip with him. The drive there only took fifteen minutes, but it passed in slow motion.

If we could just get to the store, grab the pancake mix and the rest of the stuff on the list, and get back home, I could run off into the woods and bawl my eyes out like I needed to.

I wondered if Thane was even fazed by our conversation, but looking over at him took courage I didn’t have. He was probably trying to decide which girl to make out with at the bonfire that night, while I was over there pining over a boy I would always love in secret.

“You lean any harder on that door over there and I’m gonna have to lock it so you don’t fall out,” he said, breaking the silence.

I forced a smile and scooted toward him, but I didn’t make eye contact.

“Did I say or do something wrong?” he asked with hesitation in his voice.

I shook my head and fought the lump forming in my throat.

Come on, Sera, pull it together!

“Then why are you acting weird?”

“I’m not acting weird. Just… deep in thought, I guess.”

“Whatever you say, Fina,” he replied. “But I’m not buying it. You suck at lying and we both know it.”

My face burned, and I quelled the urge to yell everything I felt.

We were still several miles from the market when he pulled off into a turnaround of dirt on the side of the road.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m not driving another inch until this…” he motioned his hand between us, “…is cleared. We’ve got a whole week to spend under the same roof, and I can’t stand this tension that came out of nowhere.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, avoiding his gaze. He was right, I sucked at lying, but that didn’t keep me from trying. It was amazing what a girl would do in the name of self-preservation.

“Come on, Fina. You and I both know that’s not the truth. You might as well confess so we can get what your mom needs at the store and head back home.”

Confess. A word so small, yet loaded with burden. I would rather go to my grave clutching my unrequited love for Thane than let any confession escape my mouth. I wanted to keep it locked up forever in the deepest, darkest, dampestdungeon in my heart. I wanted to leave it down there for so long that I forgot it existed. I wanted it to wither away from lack of sunlight and fade into nothingness; but even I knew that was unrealistic. My love for Thane cried out day and night, refusing to be neglected. It sang quiet songs, even when there was no hope. It searched for any sliver of life in his smile or an accidental touch, and clung to it like the air it breathed. I would never be able to ignore it, because it refused to die.

“I’m fine,” I said finally.