Page 25 of Pressure

I nodded and just tossed the tube of lube and cap in the trash. It was almost gone anyhow.

“Take a few deep breaths and relax,” he instructed. I closed my eyes for a moment and took some deep breaths. “There you go. Now, where is your suitcase or bag?”

“It’s in the closet,” I said as I headed out of the bathroom. I grabbed the duffel bag from the closet and set it on the bed. “I just put everything in this bag for the summer,” I explained.

“I’ll pack up your clothes while you take care of gathering your bathroom items,” Tristen suggested.

“Uh, okay. Thank you.” I hurried to the washer and dryer unit that was in a utility closet in the loft. I had done the last of my laundry earlier and pulled the clothes out of the dryer and carried them back to the bedroom. “This is the last of it,” I said as I set the clothes on the bed.

“Go take care of your toiletries, and I’ll take care of this,” Tristen insisted.

I took another deep breath as I raced back into the bathroom. I started tossing everything in my Dopp bag without any care. Things that normally had a particular place just ended up haphazardly heaped in the bag. What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn’t get frazzled by anyone; why did I get this panicked and awkward feeling around these two? I took another few deep breaths after I finished collecting my stuff. I glanced in the drawers, the cabinets under the counter, and medicine cabinet one last time to make sure I wasn’t leaving anything behind. I went back to the bedroom and set my Dopp bag on the bed beside the duffel bag that Tristen had nearly packed. He was folding some of my clothes from the dryer and looked at me.

“Did you get everything?”

“Yeah, and I double checked everywhere in there.”

“Your closet and drawers are clear now. But there’s some things in the nightstand you might want.”

Fuck, had he opened the nightstand? I could feel the heat of embarrassment rise up my neck and surround my face in fire. I was sure my face was red. I went over to the nightstand and picked up the paperback of a gay romance I had been reading. I felt like I needed to explain or say something about it.

“My friends and I had gone into a charity shop in town and bought some books for the summer,” I explained the origin of the book, though, I didn’t know why.

I slid the paperback into a side pocket of the duffel and went back to the nightstand. As I opened the drawer, I replayed what I’d said to Tristen about the book. Why had I said anything at all? As expected, the box of condoms, another small tube of lube, a jar of a different lube, a fidget spinner, and a blue novelty butt plug all stared up at me. And again, I went into panic mode of feeling like I needed to explain things.

“One of these is Braxton’s,” I mumbled as I unzipped the bathroom bag and tossed them in. “Braxton hates the KY brand, so when we went to an adult novelty store, he picked this up for me and insisted on getting this blue thing for me,” I rambled on.

I wondered if Tristen thought I was a mess, explaining sex toys as “blue things.” Or if he thought Braxton and I were a thing. Again, I felt as though I needed to clarify my relationship.

“Braxton and his boyfriend argue a lot, and Braxton would end up crashing in my room.”

Did he think I was a twenty-four-year-old loser and couldn’t get any action without my friend buying me lube and sex toys?

I jammed the items from the nightstand into another side pocket of the duffel bag.

“It’s just novelty stuff I tossed in there. I don’t even use it,” I lied.

“Cash,” Tristen said, and I immediately looked up at him. Fuck, those blue eyes of his drove me crazy. Once I gazed into them, they were like magnets, and I couldn’t look away.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Cash.” I nodded and managed to force my attention to the small pile of clothes. I grabbed a shirt and started to fold it when Tristen stole my attention again.

“Or to anyone,” he said. I nodded again. “Does that make sense, Cash? You owe nothing to anyone,” Tristen said.

“Okay, and yes, I understand.”

“Good.” He smiled at me and tossed a pair of my shorts at my head. “Now let’s finish this up and get going.”

For some reason, I felt like Tristen understood everything about me in our brief time of packing my stuff up. Not that I felt like Joel and Tristen didn’t get me or were stressors, but now, for whatever reason, I felt like pressure was off my shoulders. How was that possible?

“Do you guys need any help up there?” Joel hollered from the foot of the stairs.

Tristen picked up the duffel bag off the bed and winked at me.

“Nope, we just finished,” Tristen called out as we left the bedroom.

I followed Tristen down the stairs and looked around the kitchen and living room. Everything looked cleaned up and nothing was sitting out. My eyes darted back to the table where my sketchbook and pencils were at. Where did they go?

“I gathered your items from the table and counter and put them right here,” Joel pointed to the small table beside the door. On top of my sketchbook was my phone charger, backup battery pack and a pair of sunglasses. Beside that pile of items was mytattered plastic bag that I’d kept my pencils, eraser, and a small manual sharpener in.