Page 5 of Loving the Alien Spy

“This should last you for a while.” I ignore his echoed demand.

Bannik doesn’t even look at it. His intense stare is only for me and burns like the hottest flame. I don’t take my eyes off his, waiting for him to break first. Of course, he does. With a groan of disgust, he snatches up the vial and gives me his back. For the briefest moment, my shoulders sag with regret, but I quickly right myself.

“Ivik will bring you sustenance.”

Bannik remains silent and seething. Since I am aware of how stubborn he is—how stubborn we both are—I exit the same way I came in. Instead of returning to my study, I make my way to my bedchamber.

The estate is everything it is supposed to be. Opulent. Decadent. From the marble floors to the fountain in the middle of the courtyard. Fine rugs that my boots sink into and feel as though I am walking on air. Shiny trinkets from all over the galaxy sit on surfaces, and lush tapestries cover the walls.

My bedchamber is my sanctuary. No one, not even Ivik, is allowed entry. It is the sole place I can go and not worry about being anyone but Carrik. I have found a freedom within those four walls I cannot get anywhere else.

I palm the biometric scanner and, after the beep granting me entry, step inside, quickly closing the door behind me. For a brief moment, I stand with my eyes closed and breathe in the scents of comfort, trying to release all the tension I hold. There’s no releasing it, though. Not yet. Not ever. Not as long as I’m nothing more than a shadow, which is all I’ll ever be. It is the role I was born to play.

I step away from the door and farther into the room, making my way to the cooling unit I keep stocked. After pouring myself a glass of tavese, I sit in the plush chair and sink back into its comforting embrace. The fire is only a blur as my gaze remains unfocused.

There’s no clearing my mind, no matter how often I try. Instead, I drink and analyze the past several anums and what I could have done differently. What I should have done differently.Would the outcome have changed if I had discovered sooner that the true rebel leader had been Mohneek? And that her plans completely misaligned with Janik’s? There is nothing I can do about it now, other than discover where she’s hiding and what her next plan entails. A female like her—driven by revenge and madness—has one.

I toss back the rest of my drink and set down the glass with a solid thunk. The sweet burn feels good as it settles in my stomach. But the sweet quickly turns sour as I rise and open the closet.

Hung carefully inside is a crisp, clean guard’s uniform. For several beats, I stare at it, then slowly drag my shirt over my head and remove my boots and trou. I dress in the uniform, already noticing a change coming over me.

My body becomes smaller. Not in a physical sense, but an emotional one. The stern, harsh angles of my face soften. A timidity comes to life inside me, and I shrink slightly. I practice the innocent smile—something I have never needed to do before—but this time, it takes more concentration for it to appear than it has the last few anums. Maybe because I’m just so tired.

I forcefully push away those thoughts and complete my transformation. Once that’s done, I stride into the hygiene room and stare into the mirror. I smooth my hair into place and make a note to cut it once I’ve begged for forgiveness and asked for a way to atone for my transgressions against my Bohnari brothers.

The longer I focus on the male in the mirror, the less he becomes. Finally, before me stands Bannik of House Deqan, member of the prince’s royal guard and repentant rebel crawling back to the barracks to beg forgiveness of his commander. Goneis his older-by-eight-ticks brother Carrik of House Deqan, royal spy for the prince of Bohna.

Unable to look at myself any longer, I spin and quickly leave the room. I step back into my boots, douse the fire, take a final glance around my bedchamber, and slide aside the panel that guards a hidden door. Within only a few ticks, I’m through the secret tunnels buried beneath the estate and a second hidden door within the abandoned greenhouse at the far edge of the property. I skirt the perimeter—never being seen—and become one with the shadows once more.

Returning to the city as Bannik has been harder than I’d anticipated. The moment I set foot within Preska, several guards surround me, place me in cuffs, and deliver me to Commander Horek. After as much groveling and repentance as I can muster, he finally relents and takes me to see his aunt. Queen Veroneek is well-loved by her people for her kind heart and generous spirit. Today, she appears tired. Frail. Broken. Given all that’s happened in the last few days, it doesn’t surprise me.

“Commander Horek tells me you have agreed to swear fealty to me and renounce any loyalty you may have had to the rebel cause.”

I bow my head with complete sincerity. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

“You understand that should you be found to be in collusion with whatever rebels remain actively attempting to seize the crown, you will be put to death?” Her sorrow is evident despite her threat.

“I understand, Your Majesty, and you have my vow—whatever it may be worth—that I will not break your trust a second time. I’m ashamed by how easily the rebels were able to manipulate me. I should have known the prince was nothing like my brother. I will do whatever I can to make you not regret giving me a second chance.”

Queen Veroneek gives me a tight-lipped smile and sends me off. I follow Commander Horek out of the throne room, making sure to stay one step behind.

“The queen is far more forgiving than I am, but her decisions are final,” he says. “If it were up to me, you would be stripped of your uniform and exiled off-planet. You are lucky it is not.”

I remain silent because I’m sure he expects it of me. Besides, there’s nothing more I can say that I haven’t already. We navigate the palace, passing guards and staff, who observe us with distrust. Rather, they observe me with it. Word has spread that “Bannik” had been a spy for the rebels, based on the glances given.

I feel a twinge of regret for causing my brother’s fellow guards to question his loyalty. No matter what happens, I’m not sure they will ever forgive him either. I can’t see that happening, not even after the truth is revealed.

Once we are out of the palace, we make our way to the barracks. The destruction around us is devastating. Guilt spears through me that I hadn’t been able to stop it.

“Take it all in,” Horek says. “See what you and the other rebels did to our planet. Our city. Our people.”

Each harsh word is a hammer to my heart. “I will never forgive myself for my actions.”

“Nor will anyone else.”

The commander doesn’t speak again until we reach the barracks. Inside, he locates several guards getting ready to begin their patrol shift, including a senior officer.

“Bannik will be joining your rotation. He will be supervised at all times and maintain the lowest clearance possible. He is not allowed any weapon that provides lethal results.”