Page 38 of Loving the Alien Spy

“It is the same for me. My parents are gone, and any relationship I might have had with my brother has been destroyed. I thought I was surviving well without any of them, but that’s a lie. The only thing I do is exist and let each day pass by without truly living. It is a lonely existence. Then I met you, Lindsey. I wish to spend every moment at your side.” Bannik unthreads our fingers and cradles my face between his two strong but gentle hands as he stares intently into my eyes. “Your face is the one I wish to see every night before I go to sleep and every morning when I wake. My entire being burns for you, and I would let myself go up in flames if it meant spending the rest of my existence proving I am a worthy mate for you.”

I grip his wrists tightly, anchoring myself to him. “I want all of those things as well.”

Before I can overthink things or second-guess myself yet again, I take Bannik’s hand once more, and together, we walk back to my apartment. No matter what happens in the future, I want this. I want him. I’m going to take what pleasure I can and pray I don’t get hurt in the end.

Chapter 19

Carrik

I let Lindsey lead me away from the market square, our destination unknown. There is a determination in her step as well as in the expression she carries. As though she is resolute in some decision she has made.

Nothing I said to her is a lie. My mother may not have been my father’s heart’s fire, but I know—and have seen—enough matings to understand having one is so much more than not. What I feel for Lindsey transcends any emotion I’ve experienced before. It is greater than either of us could imagine.

For two days, I have done nothing but think on Ivik’s words. When I took Bannik’s place, I never suspected I would meet my heart’s fire. Each time she says his name instead of my own is a dagger to my heart.

We weave through busy streets, dodging people, including a small cadre of Jintiri priests in their hooded cloaks that hide every feature aside from the glow of purple eyes that peer out from beneath the shadowed recesses.

At long last, we reach what I assume has been Lindsey’s destination all along, and that is the female’s housing complex. She ignores the posted guards, guides us through the doors, into the lift, and pulls me down the walkway of the floor where she resides. Moments later, we are inside her quarters. I expect her to draw me over to the sofa where we have often sat together, but instead, she brings me into her sleeping room.

My gaze takes in the neatly made bed before I shift my attention to her. Whatever determination or confidence Lindsey discovered in the market square and wore here slowly bleeds from her. She stands in the middle of the room, hand slipping from mine, and uncertainty crosses her face. She doesn’t meet my gaze and bites her bottom lip, nibbling at it with her blunt human teeth.

“Tell me what troubles you, my heart’s fire.”

She glances at me before her gaze darts away. Her throat bobs as she swallows. “I didn’t realize how nervous I’d be until we got here.”

“I don’t make you nervous, do I?” She has denied this once before, but perhaps something has changed.

She shakes her head. “Not you, specifically, but back in the market, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. Now that we’re standing in my bedroom, my confidence seems to have left the building.”

I take the hand she’d led me here with and gently thread my fingers through hers. Slowly, I bring them to my mouth and kiss her knuckles.

“There is no hurry for us to do anything you are not comfortable with.” Never do I want Lindsey to feel as if she is being pressured into doing anything she does not truly wish to.

“But I want you. I want your kisses. Your touches.” She closes the distance even more between us. “I want to feel the weight of you over me. The heat of your body. I want to take away your loneliness and for you to take away mine. These feelings I have growing inside me are big and scary. But I don’t want them to go away.”

My hand comes up to cradle her face. “Why do you think they will go away?”

“Because every time I love someone, they leave me.”

My heart stutters. “I have no intention of leaving you. Not ever.”

Lindsey peers up at me with those gem-colored eyes. “You can’t promise something like that. There are no guarantees in life.”

“I would defy the gods themselves if it meant remaining with you forever.” This is my vow to her. “You are my heart’s fire. No one on this planet or any other can tear us apart. I swear this to you.”

Before Lindsey can question me, I claim her lips in a soul-binding kiss. By the time this night is over, I will erase any doubts that may still linger in her mind. “Let me prove to you there is nothing to fear.”

My heart’s fire hesitates for only a moment before giving me a short but firm nod. Taking great care with her, I lead her to the edge of her bed. I release the tender hold I still maintain on her hand and draw my shirt up and over my head, tossing it on the floor somewhere nearby.

Lindsey blinks multiple times before she focuses in on my bare chest. The centers of her eyes widen and spread outward, almost erasing the green of the outer circle. I let her look her fill as I don’t want to rush her. We have the rest of the day and all night.

“Can I…” She wets her lips. “Can I touch you?”

Gods yes. “Please.”

Lindsey’s gaze shoots up to mine, and then oh-so slowly, she reaches for me and her fingertips dance lightly across my skin. A shudder of pure arousal runs through me, and I grit my teeth to keep my control under lock and key.

“You’re like velvet over steel. Soft, but strong.” Lindsey traces the scales along the muscles of my chest and over the slopes of my shoulders. When her touch lingers over a particularly sensitive area, my breath catches, and she jerks away.