Page 49 of Meet Cute the Virgin

“That doesn’t even work.” A house phone has to like plug into a wall. I think. “Where is the other cord thing for the wall?”

“What year do you think it is? It’s wireless.” She picks up the phone and hands it to me.

“There’s a dial tone,” I say in shock.

It takes me a few times to finally get the right number.

“Hello?” Sasha answers, sugary sweet. I make a gagging motion.

“Hello, Sa-sha,” I snip into the phone.

“You,” she hisses. “What have you done to Tristan, you little fucking psycho?”

“Whoa, calm down,” I tell her. “I’ll tell you exactly what I did to him.” I keep my voice even, or I try to.

“Tell me, or I swear to?—”

“I fucked him.” It pops right out. Teddy falls backwards laughing.

“He stalked her down, and she popped his cherry,” Teddy shouts in the background. “Come get your sloppy seconds, jerkface.”

I burst into uncontrollable laughter. At some point, we must end the call.

“She’s going to tell him,” Teddy gasps.

“Good.” I wipe my eyes. That man stalks me. I can tell his fan club to fuck off.

A knock sounds at the vault door. We freeze. Teddy shoves the champagne behind a crown.

“Don’t answer it,” I whisper.

She’s already punched the code. The door swings open.

Roland stands there in full butler regalia, straightening his jacket. “Good evening, ladies. I trust Reginald has been hospitable?”

“Roland.” Teddy waves. “We’re traumatized.”

“Clearly.” He nods at the peacock like they’re old friends.

“You’re done with the cleanup thing?” Teddy asks.

Roland adjusts his cuffs. “How long do you think such a simple task would take?”

“Yeah, same, me too,” I say.

“Yep, we can clean up bodies like this.” She snaps or tries to; no sound comes. “My fingers are broken.”

“What would you ladies prefer for dinner?”

“Where are the men?” I thought they were helping Roland.

“The gentlemen will be... occupied for some time.”

“Wait.” I sit up too fast. “What are they doing? Are they having a night out on the town?”

Roland smiles politely. “Gardening, miss. They’ll be along shortly.” He turns, pausing at the door. “Do let me know about dinner.” He closes the vault door behind him. We listen to his footsteps fade.

“Gardening?” Teddy repeats.