Page 38 of Through the Eyes of Love

“Why should you apologise for the poor behaviour of strangers?”

“Now that it no longer pains me, I forget that my face does not look the way it once did. When I became aware of the disgust of those people, I was confronted with the same issues you have dealt with your entire life: the comments, the questioning, and the pitying stares. I should have been more understanding and sympathetic from the moment we met in the rose garden. I appreciate your strength of character more than ever. Pray say you will forgive me.”

She was heartened by his words but unsure whether or not to believe him. “It is easy for me to forgive you since all that was in the past. Today, I hope we are making a fresh start. Now, let us have a cup of tea before I send you back to the cottage.” She smiled as they walked towards the teashop, buthissmile did not reach his eyes.

“The marriage settlement is being drawn up by the local solicitor and should be ready next week. I should like you to look it over with care before you sign it.” He paused before he said, “It just occurred to me that I do not know if you are of age.”

“Yes, I reached my majority in March.”

“Good, but I should feel better if you asked someone you trust to give his opinion before the articles are decided.”

“My father is dead, and my uncle is in London.” Who could she ask?The answer came to her all of a sudden.“Mrs. Hopkins’s son is a lawyer in Leicester, and he will be visiting his mother for the next few weeks. As the son of my aunt’s dear cousin, I hope he will not mind if I ask for his advice and honest opinion.”

“When I have completed writing the settlement, I shall have the document delivered to the inn, and you can ask Mr. Hopkins to look it over.”

After Mr. Darcy departed, Elizabeth could not stop reflecting about their conversation.I must stop thinking about it!She attempted to distract herself by reading but all she could do was stare at the book in her hands. Mr. Darcy told her he missed not seeing her every day but the last time she was at the cottage, he treated her as though she was invisible. Was that going to end, or would she be faced with the same loneliness and discomfort next time she visited? Once again, he had said he wanted to marry her but still had not told her he had any affection for her. He said she belonged at Pemberley but was he capable of loving her? She did not know what to do. Although he said all the right things, she could not detect any sincerity in the words he spoke. Could she trust him?

“Fitzwilliam, would you like to read by the fire after dinner? Or I can play for you.”

Her husband kept his eyes on his plate. “I am quite tired. I plan to return to my chambers directly after the meal.”

“I shall retire then as well.”

“That will not be necessary.”

Elizabeth clutched at her chest as she sat up in bed and wiped the tears from her face. Was her nightmare a portent of her life as Mrs. Darcy? How could she willingly subject herself to such cruel treatment by her husband? Despite what he said today, she could not go through with the wedding unless there was a marked change in his behaviour. A sensible alternative would still be to go to London and save them both the heartbreak of a painful marriage.

* * *

June1812

Lambton

Elizabeth welcomed Mr. Martin to her sitting room at the Rose and Crown where her maid sat quietly in the corner doing her mending. “Miss Bennet, do you have any idea why I am here?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Has Mr. Darcy sent you to tell me he wishes to end our engagement?” She did not give the vicar an opportunity to respond. “From the very beginning I feared our marriage would be a tragic farce. When he asked me to marry him, he never spoke of love or affection. Because of my face, I never believed I would find true love and happiness. Now I am distressed to learn that the dream of sharing my life with the man I love has ended. He was in Lambton yesterday, but I am not convinced his feelings are sincere.”

“I do not know you well, Miss Bennet, but I fear your thoughts are ruled by what you experienced before you came to Derbyshire. You have been treated so poorly by others in the past that you do not feel worthy of love. I shall tell you what I told Mr. Darcy—true love does not cometoyou; it must beinsideyou. I am here at Mr. Darcy’s request but not for the reason you think.” Elizabeth braced herself to hear the worst. “He cares deeply for you but fears you are marrying him simply because you feel sorry for him.”

“No! That cannot be true.”

“I assure you he told me so himself.”

“He may not realize how very much I love him, but I do. My greatest fear is that my affection is one sided.”

“He cares for you and you for him, and I believe you both wish to be married.” With those words, he stood and walked towards the door.

“Thank you for coming Mr. Martin. Your visit has given me hope for the future.”

“Good day, Miss Bennet. I shall see you in church.”

More than anything, she wished to believe the vicar. Could she allow herself to have faith that she and Mr. Darcy would find contentment together? She could not but fear what would happen to her heart if her expectations were never met.

* * *

Elizabeth calledon Mrs. Hopkins and was relieved to discover her son and his family were still visiting. “Lizzy, I am delighted to introduce you to my son, Robert. My grandchildren and Margaret are saying their goodbyes to Mrs. Murray.”

“I am pleased to meet you, Miss Bennet. My mother speaks fondly of your time together.”