Page 102 of Playing the Backbeat

Dylan: She’ll throw you a party.

Dee: And you?

My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for him to respond.

Dylan: We’d all like that. Can’t let this place get boring.

My hopes sink with his vague response. He didn’t sayhewanted me to stay. He lumped himself in with everyone else.

The time apart has made me realize I should have been honest with myself and with Dylan. We may have started as friends, but the tension between us boiled over into something more.

I assumed this thing between us was something we’d look back on and see asfun. I never worried myself over a looming expiration date, because there wasn’t a clear beginning. He wasn’t going to live with me forever.

When his new apartment became available, I didn’t want to admit to myself I’d come to lean on him more than I ever meant to. Having him here made the walls feel more like home.

He shared more than I’d ever seen from him. He let me see the vulnerable pieces underneath the confidence, and I did the same.

He struggles with control, but with me…he let go.

When I was at my lowest, rejection weighing heavily on me, stirring up everything from my past, he built me up. He reminded me that I am more valuable than a job, more important than one person’s opinion. He saw me, but then he left me too.

I wanted to give this thing between us a try. I shouldn’t have let it all go. I shouldn’t have lethimgo.

I miss him. But he must not have had that same revelation.

The thought is depressing, so I toss my phone back onto my nightstand and wait to fall asleep again.

Chapter forty-seven

Dee

The day after my interview, I hide in bed until I have to get ready for my shift. Olivia from HR called me an hour ago to tell me Stonewell wants to offer me the job.

I should feel relieved. I’m not in a position to turn him down with an apartment to pay for, a dwindling savings account, and only a part-time job under my belt, but the thought of having to set foot in that building again has the contents of my stomach curdling. I told her I would have my answer by Monday. The thought of making that call to accept the position is so fucking depressing I want to jump right back into bed.

I begged the girls to be my human shield tonight in case things get weird with Dylan, but they all had plans. That is, I thought so until I find Carissa sitting at the bar across from me.

“This is fun,” Carissa yells over the crowd, placing her purse on the bar top. “Why haven’t we had a girls’ night here yet?”

I bite my lip to keep from getting emotional.Fuck, why am I emotional?

It’s always harder to hold it together around the people who love you. The people who show up to hold you while you fall apart. Carissa’s compassion has always been stronger than most. I know that’s why she’s such a wonderful nurse, and an even better friend.

“Thank you for coming,” I say, reaching my hand across the bar. She smiles back at me and gives my hand a squeeze. “I know you’re always wiped after work. It means a lot having you here.” I shake my head. “And probably because girls’ night is more fun when I’mnotworking.”

She laughs. “Fair enough. What’s the best drink here? I need a good one after the shift I had today.”

I grimace. “Honestly? Draft or bottled beer. You don’t want me mixing your drink. I’m better, but I’m not great.”

She laughs and I grab her a drink before helping the couple next to her.

It’s not too busy tonight. I have no idea which bands are playing, but the crowd appears to mostly include people in their thirties dressed casually.

“How are you holding up? Is he here?” Carissa looks around, presumably trying to locate Dylan.

“I’m fine.” I start washing the dishes in the bins underneath the bar top. “We’ve been giving each other space. I guess that’s easier while we try to figure out the new normal between us now that we’re not living together.”

“You’re talking about it like you guys were just roommates and not…” Carissa shakes her head, her brow furrowed.