Page 86 of Secrets in the Deep

“I do, Ryan.Isay you’re worth it.”

He looked at her like he didn’t believe her. Like he was ready to argue with her. Like he’d looked at her five years ago.

For a moment, she was back in that California apartment, the same tight walls, the same air she couldn’t breathe. “Ryan?—”

“Do the movie, Emi. Fulfill your contract.Thenwe can talk about what’s going to happen with us.”

Tears filled her eyes. Tears of anger. Of frustration and pain. “Have you everoncethought to stop and ask me whatIwant?” From her peripheral vision, she saw Nora stop just inside the front door. She ignored Ryan’s sister. She ignored everything but him.

“You told me what you want. You told me?—”

“I told you about a dream I had almost six years ago when we’d just met. I was a different person back then. That was the version of mewithoutyou. And I can’t go back to that person. I’ve tried. God, I have tried every day since the moment you dumped me. And I tried because youmademe. You forced me into it.”

“Emi—”

“No.” She stepped back, and that small space hurt. God, it hurt so much. “I told myself there was no way you’d do this again. I thought after all this time apart, you’d see the mistake you made the first time, and you’d never try to choose for me again. But here you are, choosing for me again. So how can I trust you now? How am I supposed to trust that my love is safe with you?”

Love.The word felt so fucking big.

He wasn’t trying to make her choices for her, dammit. He wanted…what? To protect her? To make sure she didn’t wake up one day and realize she’d burned everything to the ground for him?

“What would you do?” he asked quietly, inching forward a step. “If the person you loved held the world in his palm, and he said he was going to swap it out for you?”

“I’d question whether he was really holding the world in his palm at all.”

The tears in her eyes gutted him. Hollowed him out to the point he wondered if there was enough of him left to remain standing.

Nora’s shuffles sounded near the door. “I, um…should go.”

“Wait.” Emily scrubbed a fallen tear from her cheek before looking at his sister. “Can you give me a lift?”

“Emily—” He tried to touch her, but she stepped back.

“Don’t. I told you. I’m tired of people thinking they know what’s best for me. Trying to decidemylife while saying they’re doing itfor me. They’re not. You’re not. My mother isn’t. None of this haseverbeen about me.”

“Don’t leave.”

“I can’t stay, Ryan. I’m tired and my heart hurts and I…I don’t think I can do this all over again. I need space.”

Space. From him. Them.

“I’m going to go pack a bag. Please don’t follow me.”

Ryan locked his knees, forcing himself to remain where he was as Emily walked toward the stairs.

“I’ll help,” Nora said quietly.

Ten minutes. That was all it took for the women to return. He told himself to stop her. To say something.Anythingthat could fix this.

He didn’t. He stood there like a fucking idiot, watching the woman he loved leave him.

Why?Why couldn’t he fix it?

Because he couldn’t figure out how to keep her without asking her to give up something she shouldn’t have to.

The echo of the door closing rang through the room. Still, every instinct in him saidgo, close that distance, say her name, pull her back before this became something he couldn’t undo.

But what would he say? Choose me, but not at the cost of your career? I love you, but just not enough to let you burn your life down for me?