Page 105 of Secrets in the Deep

But he couldn’t say no to her. Not under the stars with the cool Deep River breeze running over his skin. “Anything.”

“What do you think would have happened if my mother hadn’t messed with my phone?”

He swallowed, stared at the beer in his hands. He’d asked himself that same fucking question so many times since learning the truth.

He looked at her again, the answer suddenly glaringly obvious. “I would have requested emergency leave. I would have been by your side in that hospital.”

“And then?”

Yeah, and then? “I’m not sure.”

Her eyes fell, the corners of her lips turning down. It wasn’t the answer she wanted. And shit, he hated himself for that.

“Nora thinks I like making decisions for other people because I did it a lot when we were kids. And I got used to no one saving us. People saw that we weren’t safe with my mother. But they did nothing, because they didn’t want to risk involving themselves in someone else’s business.” His fingers tightened around his beer. “Apparently, that might have done something to me…made me believe I’m not worth any type of risk.”

Emily knew about his mom. He’d always been open about his upbringing with her. But there were a lot of stories shedidn’tknow. Stories that only lived inside of him and Nora. The days they hadn’t seen sunlight. The days they couldn’t even turn the lights on because their mother had been scared someone would see and come for them.

“I’m sorry.”

“It hurt so fucking much to let you go, but I told myself I was doing it for you. That if you chose me, you’d eventually look at me and only see what you’d lost.”

Her hand went to his thigh.

“So, to answer your question…I’d like to think that the selfless part of me would have put you first five years ago, left that hospital room once you were better and gone back to my team. Let you live out your dream as an actress.”

“But?”

Yeah, because therewasa but. “But I don’t know if I would have been strong enough to do that.” He looked at her hand for a moment, then back up at her eyes. “I think I would have walked into that room and been unable to walk away again.”

Tears built in her eyes. “I like that ending better.” She tilted her head. “And just so you know, you’re worth it. You’re worth so much more than any job or career or life that could be built without you.”

“You wanted that though.”

“Everything I thought I wanted changed after one night with you. The New York apartment became a small-town cottage with bright red Indian paintbrushes and floral wallpaper by the stairs. The busy fourteen-hour workdays cut down to a manageable job that allowed more time with you.” She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. “Without you, everything I previously wanted felt so empty.”

He wanted to close his eyes. Let those words, let the heat of her palm, beat into him like a second pulse.

“You weren’t just worth changing my plans for, Ryan. Youwerethe plan. You became my entire future.”

Every word hit him so hard that air knocked clean out of his lungs. He couldn’t breathe.

Without taking her eyes off him, she set her beer down and slipped her fingers through his hair. For a second, she just watched him, her gaze shifting between his eyes. When she pulled his head toward her, there was no resistance.

She kissed him. And it was like everything else, the past, the pain, the versions of their future that never came to be, just disappeared.

He let her take the lead. Slip her tongue between his lips and taste him.

When he cupped her cheek, the warmth of her skin bled into his palm. He moved his thumb over that soft porcelain skin.

She exhaled against his mouth, like she’d been waiting for too long and was finally able to breathe.

He felt it too. The new ease of moving air through his lungs. The tightness around his chest loosening.

He pulled away just enough to look at her, then the realest words he’d ever spoken tumbled out. “I love you, Emi. I never stopped.”

She tilted her head into his hand. “I love you too. I tried not to. I tried so hard. But I’vealwaysloved you.”

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