Page 9 of Caring for Cailin

And I especially love the soft, sensitive side he keeps hidden from nearly everyone.

I’m not sure Memphis even realizes I notice. But I do. And every time I see it, I tuck it away for safekeeping, so I have it to look back on when he eventually decides I don’t need him anymore and moves on.

It wouldn’t be true. Maybe my life is better than it was a year ago, but I don’t think there’ll ever be a time I don’t need him.

My heart aches at the thought of not having Memphis in my life anymore. And it’s not just because I’ve grown to rely on his constant presence—the weekly texts and monthly visits and the gifts that arrive without warning—but because I truly enjoy being with him.

Enough to tell him how you feel?a silent voice asks.Enough to risk the crushing disappointment if he doesn’t feel the same?

I don’t know,I tell it. Sometimes I think I’m brave enough. But other times… what if I tell him I want more, and it ruins everything?

Memphis frowns. “Are you angry? I just wanted to make sure you’d be safe.”

Pushing my conflicted thoughts aside, I shake my head. “No, I’m not mad. But… did you really have Tyler run background checks on my coworkers?”

“How else could I know if it was safe? And especially with you working nights…”

I can’t deny the bloom of happiness that comes with knowing Memphis has been looking out for me, even from afar. “I get it.”

He stares at me for a long moment before giving his head an almost imperceptible shake. Rising from the couch, he says, “I’m going to grab some ice. Do you want something to eat? Did you have anything before your shift started?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one offering to get you something?” I tease. “Since you’re my guest and all that?”

His hands come to my shoulders, gently holding me still. “You’ve been on your feet all night. I haven’t.” A corner of his mouth quirks. “I might be old, but I can still get around okay.”

“You’re not old. Not even close.”

He’s already heading towards the kitchen. “Older than you.”

I frown at his back.

It’s not the first time he’s brought up our age difference, and it’s not like I can debate it. I’ll be thirty next month, and Memphis is forty-nine. Twenty years isn’t a small thing, and before meeting him, before really getting to know him, I would never have dreamed I’d feel this way about a man so much older than me.

But when I’m with him, I don’t think about his age. He’s just Memphis. My protector. My friend. The man I can talk to about anything.

Well, except the question that’s been niggling at me for months. But everything else.

“Did you eat?” Memphis calls from the kitchen.

“I tasted the specials,” I reply, raising my voice so he can hear me. “The meatloaf and the spin-art dip appetizer.”

“That’s not enough,” he replies. “I’ll throw together some sandwiches—” He stops. “Cailin. When’s the last time you went grocery shopping?”

“Um. Not that long ago.” At least, if two weeks counts asnot that long ago.I meant to go last weekend, got as far as parking lot, even. But then I saw a guy who reminded me of Dario headedinto the store, and next thing I knew, I was driving home empty handed.

Iknewit wasn’t Dario, of course. Dario is in prison, serving consecutive life sentences. And even if he somehow escaped, it’s unlikely he’d ever find me here. Not in Bakersfield, a two-hour drive from L.A. and all the opportunities an aspiring actress would want.

No, Bakersfield is the opposite of that. Which is why I chose it.

“I can still drive into L.A. for castings,” I claimed when I first settled on Bakersfield as my future home. Back then, I was still torn between wanting to get away from L.A. and everything it represented and clinging to the career I’d dreamed of since I was little. Deep down, I knew my acting days were over. I just wasn’t ready to admit it.

But I haven’t been back once. And I don’t miss it at all.

Not that Bakersfield is my dream, either. Living alone in a tiny end-unit apartment, waiting tables in the evenings and working three days a week at a clothing store downtown, no real friends to speak of aside from Memphis, who I only see once a month… It’s not what I imagined my life to be as I neared thirty.

But I’m alive. I’m still in good health. I didn’t have to struggle through months of surgeries, like Paul and Hector. And I didn’t end up in an unmarked grave on Dario’s property, like fourteen other actors did.

And I have Memphis. The best part of all of it.