Page 78 of The Fighter

She wiped her sleeve across her nose and sniffed. “You knew him?”

“I grew up with Devlin. I knew Dennis since he was a teenager.”

“Oh,” she whispered, surprised.

Con’s mouth was tight. “I have wanted to blame you many times for how Tav’s life has gone, but I know what Dennis was capable of. I should have taken him out myself.”

She jerked at that, and seemed to wait for Con to apologize, or at least smooth over the implication that he should have killed Dennis himself. But Con meant what he said.

“Mar,” I cupped her face in my hands and swiped at her wet cheeks. “We can talk about the last five years. But I can’t do the what ifs. What’s done is done, and I need us to be able to start new now.” My chest felt tight. “Can we try that?”

She lifted a hand and placed her palm over one of mine. Her eyes closed briefly. “Yeah,” she whispered. “We can try that.” She smiled at me. “Holden got to see the gym. Can you show me?”

I nodded, happy to have something to do. Con excused himself to make some calls, and I grabbed Amara’s hand and showed her the gym. Then I gave her a tour of the apartment, happy to see that Con had replaced the sheets on the bed. It didn’t even smell like cum there anymore, so maybe he’d sprayed something in the air. Con thought of everything.

After the tour, Amara and I sat on the couch watching reruns on the Food Network and making plans on places to take Holden together. We made lists of museums and amusement parks. He was about to turn five that summer, so we discussed a theme and location for his birthday party.

We didn’t talk about the elephant in the room. We didn’t talk about Devlin. We didn’t talk about why we couldn’t leave the apartment. For an afternoon, we had no commitments other than enjoying each other’s company.

The entire afternoon felt surreal once Holden woke up from his nap. I gave him rides around the apartment on my shoulders while he squealed and yelled for more. I let him eat all the chocolate ice cream in the freezer until Amara told me no more or he’d puke.

He loved calling me The Gavel, and the name didn’t hurt like it did when I used to remember it. Amara told stories of my competition wins, and Con finally emerged from his office to join us for dinner, looking weary but happy. We ate pizza, and I drank a Diet Coke so I could burp half the alphabet to Holden’sutter delight and Con’s disgust. Well, he acted disgusted, but I thought a part of him found my talent impressive.

Later, Amara sipped a glass of red wine, her legs tucked up under her as the sun set. Holden snoozed on the floor with a blanket wrapped around himself, having fallen asleep where he dropped. Con’s phone rang, like it had all day, and he excused himself back into his office, leaving Amara and I alone.

Her eyes gleamed in the low light, and her cheeks were flushed from the wine. She wiggled her cold toes under my thighs, and I made a big deal about how they felt like ice blocks, just like we used to as kids.

“Tav?” She placed her empty wine glass on the coffee table.

“Yeah?”

“I think I need to know.”

I leaned back with my arm across the back of the couch. “Know what?”

“I think I need to know what Devlin made you do. Only as much as you’re willing to tell me.” She nibbled her lip. “I don’t want you to relive the trauma, but I also think I need to understand who you are now.”

Iwassomeone different. I was Tav, but a different form, and she must have sensed that in me. I did want her to know. So I started from the beginning, from the moment Devlin found me after Dennis’s death and held me for a week. I didn’t tell her the worst of what he did, but by the time I made it past that, she was already weeping.

After glancing to make sure Holden was still asleep, I got into everything else. The fighting, the jobs that ranged from driver to intimidator to clean-up crew. The things I saw, and the things I wish I hadn’t had to do. I showed her some scars and ran through a few injuries. I told her everything, because I had always told her everything. She was the first person I came out to. She knew when I lost my virginity. An app hookup withanother fumbling teen named Garrett. And I knew when she lost hers. Sophomore homecoming to Luke Mannon.

And I told her more about Con, how we met, how I couldn’t stay away, how he refused to let me lose myself to this life.

And that was how Con found us later after I’d unloaded everything, Amara crying in my arms on the couch while we both rasped emotional apologies to each other.

Con nodded at me over her shaking shoulder and made to leave us alone, but she must have spotted him out of the corner of her eye. She tore herself out of my arms and hurdled the couch. He froze as she launched herself at him and wrapped him up in a tight hug.

Con went very still, eyes pleading for my help from over the top of her head, but I only smiled. “Thank you,” Amara said, the side of her face pressed against the buttons of his shirt. “Thank you for all you’ve done so that I only lost five years with Tav, and not a lifetime.”

I expected Con to thaw a little bit at her gratitude. While he didn’t like hugs, he did like honesty. But instead, her words seem to make him tense even more. Amara didn’t seem to notice as she clutched him tightly and soaked his shirt with her tears. He turned his head away from me as he brought a hesitant hand up to pat her awkwardly on the back.

I ground my teeth, not upset that he wasn’t returning Amara’s affection, but because something waswrong. And if I thought about it, maybe he’d always been like that, but being in close proximity to him made me take notice. I’d been so wrapped up in my own bullshit and getting my head on straight, that I hadn’t called him on how tense he’d been the last few days. Of course, he tried to hide it from me, and when he focused on my issues, he seemed to forget about his. But he retreated to his office often and had tense phone calls or private conversations with Ben and Nik.

I knew that his assault on Devlin’s business had ramped up. I’d been involved to a certain degree to tell them everything I knew, but Con had also pushed me often to focus on my relationship with my sister and nephew. But in doing so, I’d neglected him.

When he wouldn’t meet my gaze over my sister’s head, I knew I had do something. Con had made me look in the mirror. It was time for him to face himself.

When Con had first told me about his past with Devlin, he’d acted personally responsible for the man. But Ben had grown up with them too, and he spoke without that heavy mantle of guilt. I recalled the conversation after I’d learned about the warehouse burning down. Con’s words had been clear.I’m not fucking around with him anymore, Tav. I told you this is where I end it.