Page 57 of The Lost Husband

It’s the truth. All of it. And it’s the reason I can’t go home.

Christoph close his eyes for a long blink and releases a lungful of air. “So, we walk straight into the front? That’s your suggestion?”

“Yes, but we stay behind it,” I shout at him.

“You won’t be able to just find Noah while we move in this direction,” he says. “Does that change your opinion in any way?”

“He’s right,” Avi shouts across the room from her cot in a gritty rasp. Neither she nor Elias knows that I crossed Noah’s path last week. Or that I know for sure it’s him.

I keep my focus on Christoph and the hesitation written along his face. “It’s not an opinion. It’s fact. Yes, west is where Noah is heading, but heading west is how we can survive.”

“I’m glad you understand, Avi.” Christoph fearlessly lashes back. “Because if one of us is wrong, we’re all going to die. Do you think that’s what Noah would want?” He must believe I’m making up a story—creating a delusion that Noah’s alive. I can hear it in his voice. “We know your name will be on lists soon if it isn’t already. You’re registered now, which means if he is alive, he will be able to find you.”

“If we’re choosing blindly between directions, just know that Noah won’t be able to look at a list to find me,” I say, watching Elias help Avi pack up her few belongings. “Because he was among the German prisoners.”

Christoph freezes, eyes unblinking, arms stiff by his sides. “What do you mean?”

“At the train depot, the location we were at before arriving here—I told you that’s where I saw Noah, but I didn’t just lose sight of him like I said.”

“What? What do you mean? What happened?” Christoph whispers back, but with harshness wrapped around his words.

“It was him, Christoph. I’m positive. But…he was wearing a German uniform. He was among the German prisoners detained by the Soviets.”

“That’s not possible.”

Christoph stares at me, as if waiting for me to take back what I just said. I’m not sure he’s even taken a breath, but his eyes jolt from side to side as if he’s trying to put together a puzzle without all its pieces.

“Well—that—that could mean many things… Are you sure?” he says, perplexed. Very unlike Christoph.

“Like what?” Because I’ve had nothing else to ponder for the last week, I’ve been here. I want to know why he was in that uniform. How he could be… How long was he in Auschwitz?

“He wouldn’t…” Christoph rakes his fingers through his hair. “No. Someone could have forced him. Or he took it to survive. Or he’s infiltrating them… Or…”

His voice falters because there’s one more explanation lingering between us. He won’t say it, and neither will I.

Elias storms back out into the corridor with the linen bags and hands them to Christoph, then returns for Avi, lifting her up into his arms. He doesn’t really care what direction we go if we find supplies for Avi.

“Put me down,” Avi mutters weakly.

“No,” Elias says.

She coughs hard enough to bend in half. “Fine,” she chokes. “If I die out here, don’t think you’ll be getting rid of me.”

I head into the room and grab my linen bag before returning to the three of them in the corridor.

“So, we’re going south?” I’m not sure if Elias is asking me or Christoph this question.

I stare at Christoph, waiting to see whether he believes me about Noah, or still thinks I’m out of my mind. Whether he’ll support my decision even if he does still question my sanity. Whether he feels like he owes me that…

Christoph runs his hand over his mouth and shakes his head. “West might be better for finding supplies for Avi.” He throws me a subtle glance from the corner of his eye.

“But I thought you just said?—”

“Thinking on it more, there may be too many risks with borders and which routes are open. I’m not certain about what’s passable,” he says. “West is the safest route as long as we stay behind the Soviets.”

I don’t think I’ve convinced him. But all I know is I can’t leave Noah behind, and I can’t miss the chance of finding him before he’s taken again. I left him behind once, and then our daughter too. I won’t do it again.

Elias and Avi head down the corridor toward the front of the building, leaving Christoph and I alone in fraught silence.