Page 44 of The Lost Husband
Heat fires through my face and my head throbs as more tears trickle.
“Celina…why—why are you holding…your stomach?” Christoph asks, breath catching in his throat.
I peer down as if I could see our unborn baby through my flesh. “I kept telling Noah it was too soon to say anything. I was scared something would happen. Then it felt easier to keep it private for the time being. And something happened anyway.”
Christoph stops and stares through me, his bottom lip hanging. Despair blackening his soul to match mine.
“All right.” His breaths become ragged. “All right. Here’s what we’re going to do.” Christoph returns to the sofa and folds to his knees in front of me, taking my hands. “You’re not going to like this, but I need you to listen.”
I shake my head, already saying no to whatever he might insist upon because I know it won’t be what I want. Christoph and I have never agreed on much other than our love for Noah. “Please don’t tell me you’re sending me to some?—”
“Convent,” he says. “Yes. It’s the only place I can keep you safe. And I promised Noah that I would take care of you if anything were to happen to him.”
It’s as if he knew. He always knew what was coming. But I still don’t know how.
“No. No. I’m a Jewish woman, Christoph. I realize my papers say otherwise now, but I don’t belong in a convent.”
He shakes my hands on my lap. “Look at me,” he says, his nostrils flaring. “The Nazis don’t like the attention of the church. They stay away unless they have a reason not to.”
“No, Christoph. No, you don’t understand. I can’t?—”
“You don’t need to tell them you’re with child. You can hide it. You’re tiny. It won’t be obvious for a while. Long enough for the Germans to get out of our city.” Noah would say this isn’t a reliable plan. They could be here forever for all we know.
“And if they do find out?” I ask, anger growing over the thick grief.
“They’re nuns. They will take care of you.”
“I know nothing about Catholicism. Nothing. They’ll know right away that I’m not Catholic.”
“Judaism and Catholicism aren’t much different, and you share the same Bible. I have faith you can play the part if it means keeping you and your baby safe for as long as possible.”
“I should have stayed with him,” I utter.
“He would never want you to give up your life. He only cared about your well-being, and your baby too. I don’t need to hear that from him to know.”
The sound of a whistle strikes my ear. Please, let me only be hearing that torturous sound in my mind. Christoph stands and moves to the window, then closes his drapes.
“You’re not safe here. There’s no other choice. I will stay in contact with you through letters, and I will keep you up to date on everything I find out about what happened today. And as soon as it’s safe for you to be back here, I will come for you. You won’t be alone, but I do need to keep you safe, and this is the only way.”
“I don’t know anything about living in a convent, Christoph. It won’t work,” I say sternly.
“I—I will teach you everything I know tonight. I know enough. It will be enough. You must trust me. Please.”
“I want Noah back,” I say, salty tears seeping into my mouth. “I want my husband. I want the life I chose. The one that made me who I am, and who I’m going to be.” I curl my arms around my belly.
“What you’re going to be—is a mother. One who fiercely protects her child from the enemies living on our doorsteps. And it starts now. Noah would agree with me on this. You know I’m right. You know this is what we need to do.”
What if he needs me? What if I left him to die, alone? He would have never done that to me, no matter what was in his way.
I close my eyes and nod. Once.
And again, the life I was born into falls farther out of reach.
NINETEEN
CURRENT DAY
Chelm Slaski, Poland
