Page 7 of Set My Soul Ablaze

“Delete. Delete. Delete.”

As I sat on my couch, coffee mug in hand, I scrolled through my camera roll. I tapped on every picture of Juda and deleted it from my collection. The freedom I felt to be done with our relationship reassured me I had made the right decision.

Today marked four days since we’d broken up. The day after I broke up with him, I woke up bright and early to place his belongings in three large trash bags. When he pulled up and knocked on the door, I ignored him. He tried for a few moments before accepting his fate. He threw the bags onto the bed of his truck and pulled off.

Relief washed over me when I realized Juda had actually left me alone. We’d been dating on and off for a long time. We’dgone through the motions together. He’d watched me go from a pimple-faced teenager to an adult with a real job and real-life situations. He had a grip on me, and the more I thought about it, the more embarrassed I became. No matter what we went through, he always won me over.

This time was different, though.

For a long time, I clung to our history, his familiarity, and my need for affection. Like an idiot, I ignored every red flag he proudly waved in my face—as if he knew no matter what he did to me, I’d always welcome him back with open arms. Not anymore.

Something snapped inside of me.

Everything changed.

For the first time in my dating career, I chose my peace over accepting scraps from a man who never truly loved me. Juda loved the idea of me, but his insecurities pushed us apart on more than one occasion.

The boy I fell in love with as a young girl had become a mean man—a possessive, insecure, scary man. There was a part of my mind that feared for my life with him in my home. Now it was all too loud to ignore.

After another scroll of my camera roll, I let out a satisfied sigh. I placed the mug on the coffee table and sat back. This was it. A fresh start would be good for my soul. I’d get some time to fall in love with myself, enjoy my company, go out and let my hair down, and most importantly, feel safe in my home again.

Buzz. Buzz.

The vibration of my phone brought me out of my thoughts. I swiped down on the screen to see a text message from my best friend, Joylei.

Juicy Booty:

Girl, do I need to send SWAT over there?

Me:

Not at all, boo. What’s up?

Juicy Booty:

I haven’t heard from you in days. You tell me what’s up?

Me:

Life has taken a turn.

Juicy Booty:

Well, you usually tell me everything. What’s going on?

Me:

I broke up with Juda a couple of days ago. Needed some time to myself to work through the emotions. I didn’t mean to shut you out, but I’ve been going through the transition of reclaiming my time.

The three dots popped up, disappeared, and reappeared again. I couldn’t help but laugh as I pictured the shock on her smooth round face. Joylei had been my best friend since before I could wipe my ass good. Our moms were best friends, and we clicked naturally. I often liked to tell people she was my platonic soulmate.

When the dots disappeared a third time and her picture popped up on my screen to show the incoming call, I let out a soft giggle before answering.

“Hello, crazy girl,” I greeted.

“Cut the chitchat, bitch. What do you mean you broke up with Juda?” The volume of her voice made me shake my head.

“You don’t have to yell, girl.”