Page 38 of Set My Soul Ablaze

Part of me wanted to ignore him. Leave him in the past where he deserved to be. The other part of me, the delusional part, wanted to hear him out. See where he was coming from, see why he treated me the way he did, and close the chapter of my life with him completely.

With a sigh, I did a spin on my heels and walked to the door. I twisted the lock and let him walk in.

“The place looks great,” he commented as I gestured to the waiting area furniture.

“Have a seat.”

He sat. I remained standing as he began his monologue.

“I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. I’ve been a mess since we broke up. I miss you so much, Mali.” His voice cracked as tears slid from his eyes.

I had never seen him cry in the nine and a half years we were together, so it caught me off guard.

“Yeah . . .” I awkwardly rubbed my arm as I looked at him.

“I want to fix what we had?—”

“That will not happen.”

“Please? I’ve grown in the couple of months we’ve been apart. I want you to know I’ve done a lot to get myself together. I have apart-timejob at a HVAC company. I don’t do the install and stuff, but I’m going to school to get the education and licenses needed to do it.”

“Good for you.”

I didn’t want to sound bitter and ask why it took him nine years to lock in and make more out of himself, but I bit my tongue. I wanted him out of my face as quickly as possible.

“I’ve done a lot of wrong, Mali. I projected a lot of my wrongdoings onto you, and for that, . . . I am genuinely sorry.”

“I knew it. I fuckin’ knew it, and you used to gaslight the fuck out of me.” I shook my head.

“I’m sorry. You were right. I cheated and contracted syphilis that has spread to my brain and caused me to act out of character during the last couple of months of our relationship.”

My stomach churned. Bile slid up my throat and threatened to come out of my mouth, but I swallowed hard. “W-what?”

I looked at him in disgust. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

“Look, you had stopped touching me as frequently as I wanted you to. It started with a couple of random flings here and there . . . but then I was going out multiple times a week. There were multiple women a night, for a long time. I don’t even know which one I got the disease from. All I know is that the shit has done irreparable damage to my brain. I’m finally on a consistent cycle with my meds.”

The more he talked, the angrier I became. Each word reminded me of the months he spent making my home hell because he cheated.

“Be honest. It hasn’t just been the last couple of months. You’ve been accusing me for years. Stand on that shit and tell me the truth.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him like he’d just shit out of his mouth.

“Those don’t count. I’d cheat maybe once or twice in the span of a few months—usually when you catch an attitude and give me the cold shoulder. I’m a man with needs.”

“Why not fuckin’ leave? Why cheat on me for years—literal fuckin’ years—instead of being single and fucking whoever?”

“We put in a lot of time together, and you had a place of your own and a growing business. It would have been stupid of me to let that go for some quick fucks. I wanted forever with you.”

“You can’t be serious right now. You’re joking. You have to be joking.”

“I saw the potential of you when you were just nineteen years old. You had a strong mind, a family who cares, and the drive to pursue a career and make money. I would have been an idiot not to jump on that.”

I chuckled. He preyed on me as a teenager. He plotted on my family and me. Then had the nerve to cheat on me throughout our whole relationship. Nine years of my life stolen by a leech. Nine years of my life snatched from me and wasted.

“I hope you die a slow and painful death. I hope that disease eats you up so bad you can’t even wipe your ass by yourself. Every wrongdoing you’ve ever done will come back tenfold on you. You are a sorry, useless piece of shit, and everything you do will fail.”

Not only did he put me and my health at risk for years, but he also didn’t show any remorse. These fake ass tears were all a show. There was no real apology in his tone or his actions.

Then the bitch-ass nigga has the nerve to think he could ever have another chance with me. Bitch, please.