Page 32 of Set My Soul Ablaze

“Hey, y’all,” I replied.

“No breakfast for us? I wasn’t even expecting you to be up this early.”

“I cook for who’s awake. You know, ain’t that what you told me?”

“Touché.” She went into the kitchen to feed her and the boys while Mama and I continued to talk about my old pets. It was funny recalling some moments in the Gillam household. My pops was strict as hell, but Mama balanced it out.

“Boys, can y’all go into the living room with your cereal so I can talk to Nana and Uncle Tez?” Alana asked as she walked over to the dining room table and sat down next to Mama.

The boys walked their bowls into the living room, and the low buzz of cartoons followed shortly after. Once all eyes were on her, her bottom lip quivered.

“Mama . . .”

“Oh dear, what’s going on, puddin’?”

She twiddled with her nails for a few moments, sniffling and building suspense.

“Lana, hurry. What’s going on? Somebody hurt you?” The protective brother instincts kicked in, and my leg bounced up and down in anticipation.

“I don’t want you to be upset with me, Tez.”

Alarms went off in my head. “What happened?”

“I peed on a stick this morning.”

“Oh dear.” Mama gasped. “What did the test say, baby?”

“I’m . . . I’m pregnant.”

I slammed my hand on the dining room table, making the plates rattle and both Mama and Alana jump.

“Damn, Alana. What the fuck you gon’ do with another kid?”

“Artez, please calm down.”

“No, Mama. I will not be calm. She’s just now getting back on her feet after the last nigga left her high and dry with twins.”

Alana burst into tears. Her shoulders shook as deep sobs filled the air. Mama stood up and comforted her, but I couldn’t. I thought she would have learned from the last time she got pregnant by an ain’t-shit nigga. Since I hadn’t met this new man, he probably wasn’t shit either.

“I didn’t want you to be upset with me, Tee. I’m the big sister, and I should know better than to go through the same cycle again. I should have been more careful. I know, and I’m so, so sorry.”

Alana crumbled in front of me. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. I let out a breath. The anger dissipatedinstantly. I stood up and took Mama’s place beside my sister. I held her while she cried against my stomach.

“I’m so sorry, Tee.”

“You good, crybaby. I got you through whatever. You know that. I just hate we got to go through this again.”

“Maybe I’llfetus deletusthis baby and keep our lives the way it is. I don’t want to add any more stress to you or Mama’s lives.”

“Do what you feel is right for you and your body.” I gave her head a comforting pat.

“We support whatever you decide,” Mama finished.

Alana wiped at the corners of her eyes and let out a deep breath. “I don’t want to tell the guy until I go to the doctor to get my first ultrasound and decide what I want to do.”

“That’s a good idea. He’ll definitely have questions. You’ll be okay, puddin’,” Mama responded.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and stepped away from the table as I read the text message from Captain Moore.