Page 28 of Set My Soul Ablaze

I nodded. “Yeah. Excuse us for a moment, Jana.”

Jana nodded. “Of course.”

Joylei looped her arm in mine, and we walked out to the backyard. The backyard was beautiful. The wood fence was uniform and free of holes or discoloration. Perfectly cut grass,nicely trimmed rose bushes, and a covered patio greeted me. This was the first time I’d enjoyed the sight of any feature in the homes we toured. We stood under the covering as she eyed me.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Girl, you are the walking embodiment of distracted. You’ve frowned at every house today despite us loving the rental pictures that looked exactly like the houses in person. What’s going on? What’s on your mind? We were so excited about these tours when we first started.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. What happened during the first tour that has you distracted and uninterested now?”

“If I’m being honest, I zoned on mid-tour at the first spot.”

“So, you’re wasting everyone’s time. Why?” Joylei quizzed.

“I’m comparing everything to what used to be. Homes, men, me . . .”

Joylei reached over and held my eye. “Aww, pooh. Talk to me. What’s the comparison that’s going on?”

“There’s so much change too fast. I’m scared. I’m scared to start over. I’m scared to move on. I’m scared to let another man in. I’m scared to put my heart on the line again.” My lip quivered as my throat burned. The rims of my eyes felt heavy as tears gathered like Sunday service.

“This man must really be special.”

I nodded. “He’s so patient. He told me the flow was up to me, and he’d be okay with just being my friend. He’s infiltrated my world, memorized my coffee order, and takes me on friend dates . . . Lei . . . He treats me so well, but for some stupid reason, my mind compares him to Juda every chance I get. Why does that piece of shit on a stick man have such a hold on me?”

“You’re giving him more power than he deserves. Yes, y’all were together damn near a decade, but he was trash well before you broke it off with him. He stole nine years of your life withbroken promises, unchanged behavior, and toxic energy. He was a leech, and God has sent you a man who is pouring into you like you’ve never felt before.”

My heart fluttered as I thought about Flame. “You’re right.”

“See, the thought of him already has your cheeks turning red and a goofy infectious grin. Who is this man, girl?”

“The firefighter that saved me. We exchanged numbers after I toured the station. He’s been such a sweetheart since the day we met. He saw me at my worst and has only brought me kindness and care. I just hate I’m still healing from the trauma that is Juda.”

“That’s normal,” Joylei replied.

“Is it? Because this shit sucks. I get so embarrassed doing things with Artez because it shows me just how stupid I was behind Juda’s trash ass.”

“We all got to kiss a couple of frogs before we find our prince.”

“It just sucks, bestie. There’s a man who is patient, kind, and caring, . . . but my heart is still aching from the shit Juda put me through. What am I supposed to do? How do I move on from the heartbreak to give this man a chance to love me? What if he breaks my heart? What if?—”

“You’ve got to let the what-ifs go, boo. That shit will always be a hindrance to growth. You hold your head up high and take things one step at a time. If he is your forever, he’ll meet you where you need him to. If he’s not, he will show his true colors when he’s completed the lesson God put him in your life to learn.”

“You always know what to say when I get in my head. I hate I wasted Jana’s time.”

“We’ll make the most of this last tour, and we can talk about the others back at my place later.”

I nodded. “I’d like that a lot. Thanks, bestie.”

“Of course, my love.”

Joylei looped our arms together again, and we went back inside. I pushed thoughts of Flame and Juda into the back of my mind.

“We’ve reviewed all five options. Tell me what you’re feeling. Do we need to go to the drawing board? Let these sit with you? Or proceed with applying?” Jana spoke in a welcoming tone as we walked out of the front door of the last house.

“I’m going to sit with these. I’m going to hit you up on Monday with my final decision. I think one of these five homes may be the one, but I need to pray about it,” I explained.