Page 3 of Retrograde

“Ifyoudidn’t want to be with me,” I chuffed. “Of courseyou can say no if you didn’t want to be with me. If you didn’t want me. That’s what yousaid. Even ifyoudidn’t want the pressure of a relationship with the heir to the throne. I would have understood that!” I growled when he still looked confused. “But you wanted me! You just said it.”

He flinched, the pieces coming together. “Right, but I had to protect you and—”

“Gross,” I whispered, and took a step back from him. I nodded when he flinched again. “Seriously, that’s just gross. You let me think you didn’t want me that way toprotect mefrom my own… Bad choices? You’re a martyr now? You sacrificed what you wanted for—you don’t understand how gross what you’re saying is?”

“No,no, you’re twisting it,” he growled.

I considered that a moment and took another step away when he reached for me. “I don’t think I am, so let’s just finish this conversation and I want to leave.”

He reacted like I did slap him across the face and lowered his hand, not meeting my gaze. “Then I heard some of the clean guards talking about the female mystic dragon fighter who camefrom nowhere and is completely unstoppable. I’m never that fucking brain-dead.”

Debatable.

“Andnot only did they want to go see like they used to because Mystic Frost sounded amazing, but you had a really good idea about checking out the fights and making sure they didn’t get any more unsavory. That you were looped in and way more knowledgeable about it all and even downloaded the app. Likecome on.”

Well, shit. “So you didn’t even have to follow me there, huh?”

He snorted, not even having to say it. “Though I will say you’re smart on how you were getting in and out. I plugged up the other holes now that we have more security I can trust. I tried to catch you at those spots.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it. “I can’t even give you shit when almost half the guards were corrupt and did nothing. It was terrifyingly easy to get in and out at the start.”

“Something else to keep me up drinking at night,” he grumbled. The silence got awkward between us when I didn’t take the bait. “Why did you laugh?”

I headed for the door. “Because I wish it was as simple as my dragon beingboredand looking for some fucking fun. I wish that even this one area of my life could be that simple.”

“I need to know what’s going on,” he said firmly.

I froze with my hand on the door and looked at him over my shoulder. “I couldn’t trust you with this before. Now I really can’t after knowing what you did. I was destroyed—completely destroyed thinking I’d gotten it so wrong that you felt nothing for me. And you did. I was a mess, and that was why Treena put her foot down and said to just date anyone. That’s how…”

I ended up with Kole. I’d left here broken that my love for Benson had been swatted away like an annoying confession and walked right into an abusive relationship because I’d wantedanyoneto care. I’d wanted to move on and… Who really could say?

A hundred shrinks maybe.

He swallowed loudly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know—I never would have thought that—I just wanted to—”

“My choices are my own,” I accepted. “I decided how to handle my heartbreak and—I did it. My point is you protected me from nothing by lying. The only thing you did was hurt us both because I can’t even look at you right now. Knowing what I know—and then you kissed me—stay away from me.”

“Sagan, please, wait,” he rasped. He moved his hands to the door and kept me from leaving, pressing his body to mine. “I never wanted you hurt. I did try to tell you that night. You just heard I didn’t want you and that was all you heard. It just seemed…”

Easier?

Probably, but knowing Benson, he was thinking safer.

I pushed him, but since I wasn’t willing to hurt him, I couldn’t move him. “Let me go. I won’t tell you and I want to leave. You had your chance—you only care because I have to mate.”

He flinched and moved away like I burned him but made sure to make me turn around and face him. “I can’t stand seeing youhurtby assholes, and I hold out hope you can get out of this and away fromall of themto find someone worthy of you. I know it can’t be me, but it better fucking be someone who will love you like I would!”

Asshole. Fucking asshole.

“I’m glad I know the truth now,” I rasped, quickly wiping my eyes. “It will be so much easier to move on from the candle I still held for you. Seriously.”

I yanked the door open fast enough that I heard something bad but then froze at his next words.

“Hate me if you need to, but I will fucking protect you, Sagan. I swore an oath. Tell me what’s going on or I’ll close the rest of the holes so you can’t sneak out again.”

I chuckled darkly and smirked at him over my shoulder. “Then let the games begin because I don’t give in to threats. I never will, not even from you. Plus, I don’t think you’ll win this, and clearly you haven’t learned enough humility if you’re assuming you would.”

I left, careful not to slam the door behind me even if I wanted to. Not for the physical act, but more the emotional need as if closing the door on my feelings for Benson could be that easy.