Page 11 of Retrograde

“Never really chosen anything for yourself before?” one of them asked gently, sharing a look with the others when I didn’t respond.

Which really was answering yes.

“Whatever brings you comfort, Your Majesty,” the second said softly. “Your suite should be your haven. So far all you’ve brought up are drinks and electronics that were your father’s. Their suite was theirs. What do you want? Anything you want. No one’s judging you.”

At least they all winced when I snorted.

“Not the staff, but people apparently are talking that I haven’t decorated yet like that’s all I’ve had to do so—all I get is judged,” I muttered.

The third one gasped in the awkward silence and then hurried to pull out her phone and unlock it. “My sister sent me thisgorgeouslamp on Instagram. It’s one of those LED light ones with all different settings and programs, but it doesn’t look like it. It looks really fancy and with like blown glass. It’s a small Thovudin startup. I was thinking of saving for one.”

I checked I could take her phone and not just she was showing me. It was really cool. There were different designs and it was exactly what she said. It didn’t look like a techie lamp but a fancy, really expensive one.

Actually, it was.

“For a lamp?” I whispered, scrolling through some more pictures. I winced when one snickered. “Yes, funny from me, but I admit I’m clueless on these things. I was trained to balance the nation’s budgets and how much the cost of building infrastructure is, not household items.”

It was like the tenth one that I fell in love with.

“That would be perfect for your suite, Your Majesty,” the third said firmly, clearly understanding I liked it. “The colors would go lovely in the room, especially with the drapes and bedspread you picked out.”

One cleared her throat. “Raquel did.”

“I like it though,” I hurried to say. “I asked for darker and calm. They’re lovely neutral grays and now something like this could shine.”

“Exactly, smart choice,” the second hurried to say.

I sent the link to my phone and thanked them, not wanting to keep them anymore when they were heading home… And to not make any more awkward conversation for them.

Or me. Dear gods, I was awkward.

I really did love the lamp though. It was simple and very elegant. Most fancy and pricey lamps looked garish to me. This was honestly more like an upside-down large vase. It was swirled and clearly blown glass from the imperfections, but—I really liked it.

And since it was meant to change the lights for the mood, that seemed better.

I took a quick shower since I still needed to get the night’s fights off of me and then lay on my bed and debated ordering it. I glanced over at my nightstand with the ugly lamp that was from another room that I knew was just there temporarily and hated it.

I hated so much of the castle and honestly living there.

It was time to admit that.

I hated living in my own castle.

All I had ever wanted to do was come home when I studied all over the world, but now that I was there—I hated it. I wanted to be anywhere else.

“You don’t hate your home,”Iris said gently in my head.

“You hate you didn’t feel welcome when they were alive and you still don’t feel welcome,”Eloise added, always the more blunt of my dragons.“Get the pretty light. Our home now. Fuck everyone else.”

Of course she just wanted the pretty.

But I did agree with her… Fuck everyone else.

Maybe just not Joris. I shivered as I thought about how hot the sex had been. Apparently, what he needed unlocked a lot of whatIneeded and hadn’t known it.

Iris was definitely all for it. She was right there with me, flirting with his dragon at times and making it clear she was the one in charge with me.

Which was fine with Eloise. She liked to be best at things, not necessarily lead. She found it all… Tedious? She wanted fun and just to be free when all she knew was being confined.