Page 45 of Love Expert

“Less Billy. You’re sick of my bad attitude, right? Well, I’m gonna try harder. I promise.”

“You…” She hesitates. “Really? You’re open to doing this properly now?”

“Sure. I tried my way, which clearly wasn’t working, so now I guess I’ll trust your hundred percent success rate instead. But I need you at my place by six. Does that work for you?”

“Uh…” She shuffles on her feet, turning… maybe. Or checking her watch… more likely. “Yeah, I can probably be there by six. I won’t get away from my thing for the next little while, but I promise to do my very best.”

“Great! Thanks?—”

“In the meantime, I’d like you to try on different outfits. If you’re wearing jeans, try on that olive long-sleeve Henley of yours. It looks good on you, and the color makes your eyes pop.”

“The olive makes my eyes pop.”

She likes when I wear the green Henley!

Ramone charges away from the board and stalks across the room.

Curious, I spin in my chair and watch him open the boardroom door, then slam it shut again.

“What are you?—”

“Oh hey, Billy.” He strides back to the board and messily scribbles words across its surface. “Here you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“You…” I look left. Then right. Then back to the board and the barely legibleply alng. “Ah… Okay. Did you need something?”

“Yeah! I’m having a barbecue at my place this weekend. You and your mashed potatuh are coming, right?” He coughs out a chuckling breath. “Mashed Potatuh is Jeremy. You get it?”

I firm my lips into flat lines. “Yeah. I got it.”

“Saturday, lunchtime. Bring a six-pack and a couple of steaks. I’ll provide entertainment and good vibes. Oh… I-is that Maggie on the phone?”

Get the man a fucking Academy Award.

“Yes,” I drawl. “Maggie is on the phone.”

“You’ll come too, okay, Mags!? I’m over on Huntley. But don’t worry yourself about driving. Jump in with Billy and Jeremy. That way, you can drink four of Billy’s six, and you won’t risk a DUI.”

“Um…” Maggie noisily gulps. “Okay. S-sure.”

“What’d she say?”

I tilt my head one way and wait for the crackle of bones. Then I tilt the other way and grunt at the painful pop of my joints.

“Billy?”

“She saidsure.”

“Excellent! Well, that about does me, I reckon.” He turns to the board and swipes the entire screen clear. “You’ve got a date tonight, dontcha, Billy?”

You know I fucking do.

“I hope you have a lovely time. I know you’ve been working real hard on your manners lately. You should wear that green Henley of yours. It makes your chest look all muscly and shit.”

“Wow, he’s…” Maggie exhales in my ear. “He’s secure in his masculinity and full of compliments for his friends. I like that in a man. It’s healthy.”

You like Ramone?

“Awesome! I’ll see you at six o’clock.”