Page 36 of Love Expert

But I can’t say that shit, can I?

No.

Because I’m going out on a date withsomeone elsetonight, and Magnolia Sava would be horrified to know of the things that pass through my mind.

Instead, I settle for a grumbled, “I might call my date a fatty.”

“You’re despicable! Call anyone a fatty,ever, and I’ll slap you in your face. Make no mistake, I’ll do it in front of your son, too, so he can learn from his father’s mistakes and know whatnotto say when he’s a grown man. If you don’t have red or burgundy, choose an earthy tone, like olive or brown or something. If you have none of those, give me two minutes when I get home. I’ll run inside and get you one.”

“You have a whole fucking collection of men’s ties just waiting inside your house, Magnolia?”

“Yep! It’s literally my job. I’ll be there in a minute. Hold tight.”

“Wait!” I inch closer to my window and stare out at the evening sky. At my son waiting patiently for her to get home. At the headlights he eagerly searches for. “Magnolia? You still there?”

“Yeah.”Tick, tick, tickgo the indicators. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Oh…” And just like that, her car comes around the corner at the end of the block. “Okay. Goodbye. But hello. See you in a sec.”

“Yeah.” I drag the phone from my ear and end our call, while outside, Jeremy bounds to his feet, waving and jumping like it’s been a year since they last saw each other, and not a mere few hours.

“Hi, Maggie!” He throws his hands over his head. “Hello, Maggie! Hi!”

Maggie’s car rolls into her driveway, her lights cutting across my yard, and then hers. They illuminate the front of her house, and when Jeremy can’t stop himself, hurdling the garden and surging onto her lawn, she cuts her engine and opens her door.

“Hi, Maggie! We’re gonna hang out tonight, did you know that?”

“I did. And I’mveryexcited.” She climbs out of her car and drapes a coat over her arm, only to crash back against the frame again, because my son is a brute and accidentally collides with her legs. He’s the beefy left tackle, and she’s the dainty quarterback, begging for a little cover on the fucking field.

Still, she snickers and searches his eyes. “Are you outside all alone, Jeremy? That’s dangerous.”

I wrench my window open so the weights inside the frame clatter and bang. “I’ve been watching him the whole damn time, Magnolia! Relax.”

She startles and glances up, a rosy blush covering her cheeks under the glow of her porch lights.

“I have a great idea, though. Why don’t you stop judging my parenting and start doing your job? You want me to do this shit for you, but you’re late on the first day. That’s gonna get you a one-star review.”

“He’s such a grump.” She scrunches her nose and makes a funny face for my son. “How do you live with such a cranky man, huh? It must send you bananas.”

“He’s not always so grumpy,” he chuckles. “I think he saves most of his grump for you, Maggie. It’s cos you argue back.”

“God forbid a woman speak her mind.” She extends her hand and grins, wide and so fucking beautiful, as my son eagerly grabs on. Then she slams her car door and starts toward her house. “Come inside with me if you’d like. I’ve packed all my children-soup cauldrons away. New diet,” she adds with a wink. “I need to grab a tie for your dad. We’ll only be a minute.”

“Okay!” He bounces across her grass beside her. “I’ll help you pick a tie if you want.”

“Sure. And we don’t even have to tell your dad you’re coming with me, since he clearly doesn’t care when you visit strange witches whenever you like.”

Less than five minutes after climbing out of her car, Magnolia enters my house with Jeremy as her escort, starting up the stairs with a sweet whistle on her tongue, and a giggle I can only guess belongs to my son.

My stomach rolls with irritating nerves, made worse when the duo pauses at my door and Magnolia’s smile stretches wide.

How can she be so happy all the damn time, especially when the best she gets from me is an insolent prick and a bad attitude?

Jeremy cuts left and dashes along the hall to his bedroom, so Maggie simply hovers by the doorway, her shoulder pressed to the doorframe, her eyes sweeping from my toes to my hair, and a dark red tie dangling from her hand.

“I’m proud of you. You look very handsome.”