Page 179 of Always Love You More

He laughs, and it sounds so broken that I reach for him.

“Yeah, I’m upset. Look at my fucking life. Look at what I’m doing to you.”

“You’re not doing anything to me,” I say quietly.

“Don’t lie to me, baby. I know what it does to you … how scared you get that one day I won’t come home.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have put that back on you.”

“No,” I tell him. “Everything you said …” I clear my throat. “Everything about my drinking, it’s true. And I know what seeing me like that does to you.”

“But we both still do it.”

I nod.

“And neither of us are gonna stop.”

“Probably not.”

“So what then?” he asks. “We just keep on hurting each other?”

“It only hurts because of how much I love you,” I answer. “I’m only scared of losing you because if you were gone, you’d take me with you.”

He nods like he understands, like that’s exactly how he feels. “But that doesn’t make it any better.”

“Yeah,” I say. “But you hurt me less than you love me,” I tell him. “And when you hurt me, you never mean to. Do you?”

He shakes his head. “Never.”

“And I never mean to hurt you.” I pause, biting my lip. “So, yeah, I think we’ll keep hurting each other, even though neither of us mean to.” I look back at him. “But we’ll keep loving each other more.”

He stares over at me, his expression strained, his eyes vulnerable.

“We’ll keep loving each other more than the fear,” I murmur. “More than the thoughts that tell us we aren’t worth it. That we don’t deserve it. More than all of it.”

“More than all of it,” he repeats under his breath, the words sounding like hope. Like a chance.

“Do you think you can do that?” I ask. “That we can do that?”

He dips his chin with no hesitation. “Yeah, baby, I can do that.” His eyes find mine. “You?”

Nodding, I whisper, “Yeah.”

“All right,” he says, leaning in until his lips are just inches from mine. He watches me carefully, reverently. “Then I’ll always love you more.”

“Always more,” I echo before his lips brush over mine.

Chapter 42

Jameson

IkeepSam’shandfirmly gripped in mine as we walk up the driveway, needing to remind myself that she’s okay. Thatwe’re okay.

“Let me just drop this off before we head in,” I tell her, holding up the duffle bag that’s clutched in my other hand.

I push through the side door that leads into the garage and move for the safe. After typing in the code, I spin the handle, and my heart fucking drops at what stares back at me. Or more like whatdoesn’t.

“No.” I shake my head. “No, no, no.”

“What?” Sam asks.