Page 156 of Always Love You More

It doesn’t take me long to secure a twelve-pack. I’ve had a fake ID since I was fifteen, but it’s been a while since I’ve been carded. I either know the person working, or they take one look at me and assume I’m not worth the trouble.

The engine roars to life as I start for the park. Billy cracks open a beer in the back seat, but other than that, it remains quiet.

It’s a short drive, and after a few minutes, we’re pulling into an empty lot. Darkness covers the abandoned park, only a few dim streetlamps lighting the space.

We spread out along a picnic table, me and Sam on a bench and Billy taking a spot on top. He stretches out his legs in front of him as he opens another beer.

Sam grabs one, handing it to me and then takes one for herself.

I bring the can to my lips as Billy leans back on the table, his eyes fixed on the sky. It’s eerily quiet, the swings on the playground creaking with the wind.

A lighter sparks behind me, and I turn. “Can I get one of those?”

Instead of handing me the pack, Sam passes me her own then lights herself another. I inhale, needing to give myself something other than Billy to focus on.

It doesn’t work like I hoped it would. I still can’t stop glancing his way. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I can’t seem to stop searching for it, anyway.

“I’m fine,” he finally says, looking over at me. “What’re you waiting for? Me to disappear or something …?” He trails off on the last word before he laughs, the sound all wrong. “Never mind. Guess you can never be too sure, right?”

I shake my head. “That’s not—”

“We’re just looking out,” Sam finishes for me.

“I know you are, but can you …?” He blows out a breath. “Fuck. I don’t know. Can you just not?” He pushes himself up, sliding off the table. “You tiptoeing around me and acting all weird is … I just need to …” He pauses. “Separate from it, you know? I can’t do that if you’re acting like I’m about to lose it.”

“Are you?” Sam whispers.

“Am I what?”

“About to lose it?”

He’s quiet for a minute. “I just need to move on. Shit is what it is.”

“That only works for so long,” she says on an exhale.

“Then I’ll start with tonight; worry about tomorrow when the sun comes up.”

“That’d be a good tattoo,” I mutter.

Billy snaps his fingers. “Nowthat’sa fucking idea.”

“What is?”

“Tattoos,” he says. “We should all go get tattoos.”

“Didn’t know you wanted one.”

He shrugs. “Why not?”

Sam stands, grinding out her cigarette. “Like matching ones?”

“I never thought about getting one ’cause I never had a reason.” He looks between us. “Something for the three of us is a reason. Has meaning, you know?”

“You’d really want that?” Sam asks, dragging her attention from Billy to me. “Something that permanent? I understand you guys, but me … I’m not …”

“You’re not what?” Billy asks.

She wraps her arms around herself. “You know …”