Page 140 of Always Love You More

I don’t know when you got so old. But you’ll still always be my baby sister.

Love you Bug

- Johnny

I can almost hear his voice, like he’s still here saying the words to me.

God, I miss him so fucking much.

I choke out a sob, the card falling from my hands.

This is too much. I should have waited for Jameson.

Glancing down at the card, I see spots where my tears have fallen. I keep reading the last line over and over again.

Love you Bug

Love you Bug

Love you Bug

Suddenly, the room feels too small, too stuffy.

I push up from the bed and open the window, sticking my head out and taking in unsteady gulps of air. Then I reach for my cigarettes, grabbing one and tucking it between my lips with trembling fingers. My hands are shaking so badly I can’t get the damn lighter to spark.

Fuck.

I throw the lighter onto the desk, jamming the unlit cigarette back into the pack.

I’ve gotta get out of here.

I reach for my phone and dial Jameson’s number. It rings several times before I remember he’s probably still at his fight.I disconnect the call and start to dial Billy’s number, but stop myself. I don’t want to bother him while he’s at work.

All you are to everyone is a burden.

Johnny wouldn’t be dead if he didn’t have to take care of you.

I scream in my head, begging the thoughts to stop, but they won’t stop coming.

Jameson will only be able to take so much.

You’re too broken. You know you are.

Alone.

You’re going to be all alone.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to silence the noise. When did the thoughts get so fucking loud?

I suck in a breath and open my eyes. Dropping to my knees, I wiggle open the bottom drawer of my desk. After pushing aside a pile of papers, I pull out a nearly empty bottle of vodka. Twisting off the cap, I down it in one swallow. Then I stand up, grab a jacket and my purse, and start for the window, climbing out into the night.

Luckily, the rain has stopped, but the roof is still slick. My foot slips, and I let out a low curse as I struggle to find my balance.

I make my way down the side of the house and start walking. I haven’t made it far when I hear loud music drifting into the street. I know where it’s coming from before I even find myself in front of the house.

The Donaldson brothers throw a party every week. Usually multiple times a week, actually.

They’ve been on their own for years, the oldest brother, Jackson, practically raising the younger two.