Page 131 of Always Love You More

My stomach sinks. “You’re cutting again?” It’s been happening more and more lately.

His body tightens, the action subtle enough that if I didn’t know him so well, I would have missed it.

We pull up to a light, the hum of the car’s engine filling the space between us. He glances over at me, and I see his face is just as tense as his body.

I tilt my head as I look back at him nervously. “What?”

“I have to tell you something.”

The car jolts forward as the light turns, and he shifts his attention back to the road.

“Okay, then tell me.”

He hesitates. “I don’t want you to get upset.”

“You’re freaking me out, Jamie. Just tell me.”

“I’m dropping out,” he says in a rush, briefly flicking his eyes over to me.

I had a feeling this was coming, but his words still hit me like a truck.

“When?” I force out.

“Now.”

“What?” My voice is pitched high, the question coming out like an accusation. “You’re not coming back at all?”

He flinches at the tone.

My surprise is quickly replaced with anger. “How long?”

His eyes flit to me. “How long what?”

“How long have you known you were gonna drop out?”

“Sam,” he rasps.

“No,” I push, my voice growing louder. “How long have you known? You weren’t even going to talk to me about this?”

I thought he saw me as someone he could come to. Someone he could talk to about things. Someone he trusted.

He throws up a hand, bringing it down hard on the steering wheel. “What’s there to talk about?” he shouts. “How fucked I am? Is that what you wanna talk about?”

“That’s not—”

“I need to make money,” he cuts in. “And I can’t do that while I’m at school all day. I can’t …” His grip on the wheel tightens. “It’s too fucking much, and I’m just so tired all the time. I can’t …” He trails off, and I sag at how defeated he sounds. “I just can’t do it anymore,” he says quietly.

We slow to a stop outside my house, and I turn to face him.

“It’s okay,” I whisper.

Cutting the engine, he drops back in his seat and lets out a long breath. “I tried,” he mutters. “I really fucking tried.” He sounds so lost, so broken.

“I know you did.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, his eyes meeting mine. “I didn’t want to spring it on you like this. Really, I didn’t. I thought I could make it all work, balance it all, but I …” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

“I get it,” I tell him. If it weren’t for my promise to Johnny to graduate, I’d probably be doing the same thing. “It’s gonna suck without you, though,” I murmur.