Page 128 of Always Love You More

And now he’s gone.

I pace back and forth, the walls of the small bathroom closing in on me.

I rake my hands through my hair, pulling at the strands, the pain quieting the noise in my head.

And I want more.

I don’t just want it quiet.

I want itsilent.

I don’t want to think.

With that as the goal, I whirl, smashing my fist into the wall. It breaks through, my arm buried in the drywall. I pull my hand out and do it again, and again, until my knuckles crack and pain slices through my thoughts.

Silent.

My mind is finally silent.

The door handle jiggles, and then a loud knock sounds.

“Jameson!” Luke’s voice is panicked. “Jameson, open the door.”

I stand there frozen, the sound of him pounding against the wood growing louder.

Just a few more seconds.

I close my eyes.

I just need a few more seconds.

My hand begins to throb as I count to three in my head. Moving slowly from one number to next, searching for more time in the silence.

One.

Two.

Three.

I open my eyes, and the noise slips back in.

The pounding of Luke’s fist suddenly seems deafening. A reminder that my fucked-up life is waiting for me on the other side of that door.

Mindlessly, I step forward and pull it open. Luke’s wild eyes meet mine before he drops his gaze to my hand, to the blood that’s dripping down my cracked knuckles. He then looks pastme, his eyes roaming over the three holes that now decorate the wall.

I wait for him to say something, to admonish me, but he just moves back and waits until I step out of the room.

Billy lingers behind him, and once I’m in the hall, he shifts to the side, giving me space. I keep my gaze trained on the floor, not wanting to look at either of them.

“First-aid kit?” Luke asks.

“Under the sink.”

He grabs it and starts for the kitchen, me and Billy following behind him. The floor has been cleared and the furniture reset.

I move stiffly over to the table and drop into a chair.

“Let me see,” Luke says, sitting to my right.