Page 72 of Donovan's Men

“I’ve never, in our entire relationship, heard you use the worduh. This isn’t like you. You own things. You don’t prevaricate.” Again, she glared.

I couldn’t find any understanding. And I didn’t blame her. “It’s complicated.”

“It always is. That’s not helping.” This time, Smith spoke. His normally empathetic nature was nowhere to be found either.

“Look, I’ve screwed this up.”

“You think?” Allis spat out the words.

“Yes, I know. I’m here trying to make things right.” I again took a sip of tea. “I’m formally releasing Donovan from my care. I can find another—”

“First, you’ll do nothing of the sort. You’re out, Hamish. Right fucking now.” She held my gaze. “This isn’t up for debate. What I suspect you were going to say was that Donovan would fight you on that. I’ve read your reports—he believes he’s good without more therapy.”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to need to speak to him personally.”

“But you’re on maternity leave—”

“This is my company, Hamish.” She nodded toward Smith. “Yes, he bought the company. But he made me a co-owner. We share the ownership, but as you know, the responsibility falls to me. I run the show. I dole out the discipline when needed. That hasn’t happened before. Naively, I believed I could sail this ship without any stormy seas until, I don’t know, retirement. Obviously, I was wrong.”

Shame swamped me as I was clearly the reason for choppy waters and unsettled weather. “I’m sorry.”

“Never sleep with a client, Hamish.” Her dark-brown eyes remained unblinking. “That’s a hard limit. And the rule exists for a reason. You know it. You could lose your license. Youshouldlose your license.”

I gulped. I knew it. And I was beyond just an ethical violation. This was against everything I stood for. And if Hala or Ian had shown such poor judgment, I’d be livid.

“You have to report your violation to the College of Psychologists. There’ll be a hearing. You’ll be honest with them and accept whatever punishment they deem appropriate. You might very well lose your license.” She continued to hold my gaze even as I was desperate to look away. “You’re on administrative leave from JEAP pending the outcome of the tribunal. I should fire you outright, and I’m damn tempted, but you also have fifteen years of solid work. I know you’ve never done anything like this—”

“I haven’t.”

“And you won’t in the future.”

An easy one. “I won’t.”

Smith tapped his finger on the table. “This is serious, Hamish.”

Allie blinked, then turned to her husband. “You know what happened to me.”

“But that wasn’t your fault.” His gaze radiated empathy.

My boss, while working for social services several years ago, had been involved in a child welfare case that had gone horribly wrong. People had died. On her watch. And it hadn’t been her fault, but she’d believed she could have somehow changed things—even though she couldn’t have. I could remember the broken woman she used to be and compare that person to here now and know recovery and redemption were possible.

But I still struggled with what I’d done. I’d done enough to warrant an investigation. I might lose my license. Ideservedto lose my license. And I didn’t have any idea what I’d do with my life. Counseling was my raison d’être. I’d never done anything else. And the idea of waking up every morning and not having a purpose terrified me.

But not enough to keep me away from Tyson and Donovan.

Two blow jobs.

Yet so, so, so much more. I needed them. They needed me. But not as a therapist. As a man. As a potential partner. Was I really willing to throw away my life on nothing but the promise of something amazing that might never come to pass?

“Okay…and technically nothing untoward happened between the two of you? Except him seeing you naked…” Allie’s stare still penetrated down to my soul.

“Tyson to me and me to Tyson. Blow jobs. Tyson and Donovan have kissed—”With my cum in Tyson’s mouth.“—but nothing more than that.”

“Is Tyson conflicted? Donovan’s a witness.”

I nodded. “It’s complicated. But Donovan and I haven’t touched. Physically. And the texts have all been aboveboard.”Well, mostly. Maybe not the ones Donovan sent.