Page 55 of Donovan's Men

“She had her reasons.” Tyson also cut into his pie. “And going over that time in my life is really pointless. I wouldn’t have done a single thing differently. Which, I think, tells you the true state of our marriage. Tammy’s not a bad person—but I wonder if we ever had a good relationship. Maybe if we’d had children…”

“You know children can’t solve a bad marriage.” Hamish’s words were spoken quietly.

“I know. And with my job? Plenty of cops have kids—but the bulk of the child-rearing falls to the partner. My hours are erratic. Part of why I’m so good at my job is because I can focus on what’s important—solving crimes and putting criminals behind bars.”

“Do you wish you’d had kids?” I was intensely curious—something I’d meant to ask both men but hadn’t yet found the right opening.Thank you, universe, for providing me with one.

He shrugged. “I thought I did. I mean, we got married, and after a few years, we started trying. It never took. We also never raced to the doctor to figure out what might be wrong. I’m sort of awhatever happens was meant to happenguy.”

Hamish cocked his head. “Well, that’s an interesting perspective on the world. I would’ve seen you as someone who can bend your story to your way. That your will is stronger than the universe.”

Tyson chuckled. Then he gestured to me. “No. That’s him.” He met my gaze. “You’re a force of nature. And no, I don’t want kids. Even if I had the right partner—”

“Partners.” Me, always having to get a word in edgewise.

Again, Tyson chuckled. “Partners.” He said the word with just a hint of amusement. “I guess…if I was with someone I loved deeply and they wanted kids really badly, I might reconsider.”

I met Hamish’s gaze.

He shook his head. “My sister has three lovely darlings. Even as well-behaved as they are—”

I arched an eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes. “Menaces. I mean, I totally love them—but they sure don’t make me want to race out and have a pile of my own.” He jutted his chin at me—clearly gesturing for me to answer my question.

“Nope.” I shrugged. “I’ve got a fucking good life, and I’d make a terrible father. I’ve always known that wasn’t the route for me. So I took my pleasure, entertainment, and companionship from the men and women I played with.”

“Did you have sex with both?” Hamish winced. “I’m just getting way too personal. I blame the pie.”

“This is delicious cherry pie.” Tyson took another forkful. “Even though cherry was never my favorite flavor. I’ve always been a pumpkin fan. With you, though…” He eyed Hamish. “I’m getting an appreciation for cherries.”

On cue, Hamish’s cheeks pinkened. He cleared his throat. “So we’ve gotten the children discussion out of the way. And cherries.” He glared.

This time, both Tyson and I chuckled. And took bites.

“Did you, uh, always know you were gay?” Hamish apparently directed that question to me. “Because I’ve always known. From the moment I was old enough to recognize—I did. My family was always incredibly supportive. Of my career choices? Not so much.”

“Okay, whoa. First—always gay and always known. Women are fun to play with, tease, and titillate, but I’ve never wanted to bed one. Tyson?”

“Bi. Boyfriends in college. Wife after that. No preference. Although with you two, I’m definitely leaning more toward gay, and what the hell do you mean your family wasn’t supportive of your career? You’re a freaking doctor.”

“A psychologist.”

“Sure, okay.” Tyson scowled. “That’s more than just about anyone out there. What’s that? Ten years of schooling?”

“I might’ve done it in less—”

I snickered. “Of course you did. And that’s a total compliment—you’re not allowed to see it as anything else.”

“Well…” He drew in a deep breath. “My family is filled with PhDs. But we’re talking medical doctors and biomedical researchers. My mom’s one of the top virologists in the country.”

“Which came in handy a few years ago. I assume.” I eyed my pie and tried to gauge how full I really was.Fuck it. I can always make room for pie.I cut off another piece with my fork.

“Yes. Her work was very important. But…” Again, he trailed off.

“Just say it. Because whatever it might be, it’s total horseshit.” Tyson glared. “I’ll…do serious damage to them. My God. I’d love to have a tenth of your talent. I’d love to be able to understand why people do what they do. Would sure make it easier to catch them after they committed crimes. Hell, prevention would be even better.”

“I’d say things are far more complicated—far less black and white.”