Page 38 of Donovan's Men

“Swore.”

I rolled my eyes as I poured the boiling water into my mug. I dumped the tea bag in. “Surely, I’ve sworn before now.” Except a good chance existed that I hadn’t. I was always prodigiously careful with my language. Especially around clients.Except you’re starting to see Donovan as more than a client.I sighed inwardly. Sometimes I hated my inner voice.

“Not an f-bomb. Not in front of me. Hell, I wasn’t even certain you were capable.”

I watched as the tea brewed—the color slowly seeping from the bag. Occasionally, I liked my tea weak. Most of the time, I preferred a strong cup. Well, assuming I had the patience to wait. Tonight? I did not. I swirled the tea bag with a spoon, then removed the bag and dumped it into the compost container. “Why are you calling, Donovan?”

He chuckled. “I wanted to see if you’d repeat exactly what he said.”

“And now you know I did. But to what end?”

“Why did Cole say I should get my head out of my ass?”

“For that, you would need to ask your friend.”

“He knows.”

I’d just picked up my mug. As my hand shook, I put it back down. “Knows?” My chest seized. Had I given something away? About my relationship with Donovan?

“That I’m not being honest with you in our therapy sessions.”

Okay. Close call.“Is he right? Are you not being honest with me?”

“What do you think?”

“I’m asking you.”

He snickered. “Just like atherapist.” With a touch of derision in the word.

“This is important, Donovan. You called me. And I’m happy to take your call—as a counselor.”

“I want more.”

“Wanting and getting are two different things.” I sipped my tea. “I mightwanta million dollars. I’llgeta salary from my job when I work.”

“Do you want a million dollars?”

“I’m sorry?”

“If you won the lottery—a million bucks—would that make you happy?”

I hesitated. “Many people who win the lottery don’t find greater satisfaction. I wouldn’t want my life to change, so theoretically, winning should have no effect on me.”

“Yeah.” A moment passed. “But you could pay your mortgage off. You could give money to family and friends. Hell, you could donate to charity.”

“I’m fortunate that my friends and family are comfortable. I do donate to charity. Yes, not having a mortgage would be freeing—but having debt doesn’t define me. I have an excellent job. Benefits and a pension plan as well.”

“But a million dollars?” He sighed. “I have to say that I’m generally as happy as Cole is, and he’s way richer than I am.”

“Does that bother you?” I didn’t figure it did. And if it made a difference, I wasn’t certain what that might tell me—about either man.

“Nope. I had a shit childhood. I’ve fought and clawed for everything I have. Cole offered to pay off my mortgage. I turned him down.”

“Although that doesn’t surprise me, it’s also something remarkable about you. Most people wouldn’t turn down that generosity.”

“Unless something catastrophic happens—like being shot for real or losing my job or an injury I can’t come back from—then I don’t need the help.”

“You were shotfor real.” I took another sip of tea.