Page 113 of Donovan's Men

“I thought I wanted kids.” Hamish pushed his eggs around his plate with his fork. “And don’t get me wrong—I love my nieces and nephews. It’s just…” He sighed. “I really like my job. I don’t want to have split focus.” He shifted. “If I lose my license, though…I don’t know. I’d have time for kids, right? But no way to support them.” He glanced up at me under the flop of hair.Then over at Tyson. “But you guys don’t need tending, right? I mean I don’t have to worry about you being on your own or needing me constantly or—”

Tyson and I both chuckled.

“No, you definitely don’t need to worry about us.” I glanced around. “I think your plants will require more attention than us.”

Hamish straightened.

I held up my hand to stop any argument. “I know you’re worried about the hearing. We need to prepare for that. Later today, I promise.”

He nodded. Then paused. “Wait—don’t you have work?”

I shook my head. “With Julie doing the interview and Lisette wanting to shoot a scene between Lyric and Mirela, no one needs me.”

Hamish frowned. “Mirela?”

“Oh, Elouise Hynes’s character on the show. She came to Vancouver to film a thriller last year, fell in love with Kelci, and came back to join the cast ofVJ.Her being Canadian meant the studio didn’t have to worry about work permits and shit. She’s slotted in nicely and, while pretending to be on Justice’s side, has…ulterior motives.” I waved my fork. “And I’m not telling you any more because this season is still shooting. Will take longer, obviously, with Cole out of commission.”

Tyson nodded. “And we still have all the previous seasons to watch. You sure you won’t get bored?”

I shook my head. “I never get tired of watching the show—even though I was there for most of the shooting and have, obviously, seen everything. The plots are always fresh, the acting is superb, and, of course, the stunts are awesome.”

Hamish smiled shyly. “I can’t wait.”

“We’ll get to it. But look, if you’re able to give us more attention because you’re off work right now, then we’ll obviouslytake it. But I don’t ever want you worrying that I’m not getting enough. From either of you.” I eyed Tyson. “We’ve all got demanding jobs and, at times, insane schedules.” I grasped Hamish’s hands. “I don’t want kids either. That was…” I swallowed hard. “That was always my sister’s plan. And for a while, I thought I could honor her by having them.” I cleared my throat. “But she wouldn’t have wanted me to make the sacrifice for her—and she wouldn’t have wanted that kind of pressure put on any hypothetical kids. Plus, I wrangle actors for a living—that’s plenty of parenting right there.”

Tyson chuckled but then sobered. “What happened to your sister?”

The meal I’d just consumed turned instantly to lead in my stomach.

He winced, obviously reading the room. “You don’t—”

I cut him off with a slash of my hand. “Yeah, I kind of do.” I met Hamish’s intense stare. “Because, you know…it’s about time.”

“How long?”

“She killed herself when I was twelve. And she was sixteen.”

Tyson sucked in a breath, but Hamish clumsily rose, nearly knocking over his glass of orange juice.

“Hey.” I snagged his arm. “What…”

“I…” His face went ghostly pale. “Just…”

“Not that?” I finished his sentence quietly.

He dropped back into his chair.

“You’re going to tell us.” I eyed him. “Right? Because I don’t know what your triggers are—”

“That would be the one.” He let out a humorless laugh. “One big fuckup.”

Tyson and I both winced.

Then Tyson stretched his arm across the table and curled his fingers—inviting Hamish to grasp it.

After a long moment, he did.

I loosened my grip on his arm and slid my hand down to his, then clasped that.