Page 90 of Darkness Defined

“Like I said, don’t worry about anything.”

“Alex.”

“I’ll take care of everything. Student affairs will be open tomorrow pretty early and I should be able to get this sorted.”

“Alex.” I couldn’t let him stop me. If I stopped, I’d never leave. I kept talking to drown him out.

“If I end up leaving something by accident, don’t worry about getting it back to me. You can keep it.”

“Alex,” he said with enough force to pull me up short.

“What?” I looked at him. I knew I shouldn’t have, but this was part of the problem: I couldn’t seem to tell him no.

He swallowed. It looked like he was going to shuffle his feet. He didn’t. He stared firmly back. “Let’s try this.”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “What are you talking about?” I already felt drained, and I hadn’t even made it to my room yet. What was it going to be like getting my things out?

“This.” He gestured between the two of us.

I crushed the stubborn hope that blossomed in my chest. “Don’t. We both know you’ll say or do just about anything to keep me. It’s not funny, it’s cruel.” My voice cracked. I paused to gather myself. “I’m going to finish getting my things. I’ll stay mostly out of the way.”

“For crying out loud! Would you stop talking and listen?” He glared defiantly at me, heat shimmering in his eyes. “You’re right, I would do pretty much anything, but I’m serious. I… I want to do this.”

I shook my head, determined not to fall for it, no matter how much my heart wanted to believe. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Would you shut up? You don’t understand, Alex.” He paused as if not sure how to go on.

I waited patiently; he’d made it abundantly clear I wasn’t getting into my room without him saying his piece.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t dream, not ever. Before I came here, I couldn’t tell you the last time I so much as had a daydream. But I dream about you every night. Every single night without exception. And ever since… ever since that night, they haven’t been the same.”

This was news to me, but it didn’t mean anything. We spent a lot of time together. It was bound to happen. I mean, I dreamed about him all the time too, but that didn’t make them equivalent. I opened my mouth to stall him. This was only making things harder for both of us, but he beat me to it.

“And that kiss,” he began with a lopsided smile. His eyes went black, catching me off guard. It didn’t look like he was shadowing anything, but they were perfectly midnight just the same. “That kiss is certainly going to keep me up.” He blinked, and they were back to their usual ethereal blue.

Shaken by both his words and what I’d witnessed, I didn’t really know what to say.

“At least let me try.” Matt stepped forward, and I danced backwards.

None of this was going at all like I’d expected. Of all the things I thought he’d say, this hadn’t even made the list. Finally, I found my voice. “I need time. Can you give me that?”

He looked unsure, but nodded anyway.

Feeling out of sorts, I retreated to my room. Even with the door closed between us, I could still feel him on the other side. I pinched myself and was rewarded with a very sharp, very real pain. Not a dream then. I wanted to believe his proposal was genuine, but I couldn’t bring myself to trust it. Not that I thought Matt would lie. It was that I knew he really would do anything not to lose me as a friend. Though I never dreamed he’d go so far.

My mind struggled to make logic out of the whirlwind of doubt and hope. Where did I even start processing what had happened? And his eyes. What was that about? Nothing had been shadowed, not even him. I was sure of it. It was as if he’d checked out, but I was at a loss for a time I’d ever seen him more intense.

Answers. I needed answers. There had to be an explanation for why his eyes would do that. Something I was missing. Something I didn’t know. Deep down, I recognized that hyper focusing on the mysterious detail was really a way to avoid making a decision or thinking about what his suggestion. But that didn’t prevent me from obsessing. But where could I go to get answers? Who would possibly know what that might mean? One name came to mind: Vera Scry. If anyone could tell me what or if his eyes turning black without evidence of shadowing was even a thing, she could.

I checked the time. It was definitely getting late, but there was a chance she’d either be in her office or in the classroom getting ready for the new semester. I glanced at the closed door where Matt’s presence continued to hover. There was no way I was getting out of the dorm that way without him at least saying something.

I considered my bedroom wall. In theory, the hall was at worst twenty centimeters away. That wasn’t far, right? Except, I’d never shadowed through anything before. Then again, Matt did it all the time… by accident. How hard could it be?

I slipped on my shoes and stepped up to the plaster where I let out a slow breath. The important part was not to overthink it. I just had to make sure I remained in a shadow state until I was positive I’d cleared the wall or risk getting stuck. My heart rate ticked up while I stared intently at my chosen point of passage. This absolutely qualified as advanced shadowing, and we hadn’t really covered more than the concept. I shook off my mounting nerves. I could do this.

I let out another steadying breath and let my body become one with the shadow realm. The world appeared muted, both in color and sensation, but was more unnerving was the way my awareness expanded. I could easily sense even the smallest shadow in my room and Matt was basically a pulsing beacon of Shadow energy. That energy shifted as if he was aware of me too and fear that he would storm in here before I was ready to face him again got my feet moving. In two steps, I was on the other side. I made sure all of me was actually in the hall before returning to my physical form. My sensory perception of Matt shifted, betraying his realization that I was no longer in my room. I sprinted down the hall before he could investigate.

The sun sat like a molten ball on the horizon, its amber glow flooding the campus. I almost turned back at realizing it was even later than I’d thought, but that would mean going back to the dorm, which I wasn’t ready to do. All the way to Mysterio College, I kept telling myself how ridiculous my fixation was. His eyes changing like that was probably nothing. Maybe he had shadowed something, and I’d been too distracted to notice. Besides, odds were that Vera wouldn’t be there at all. She hardly ever was anyway. Why did I think she would be in her office now? Because I needed her to be?