Page 71 of Darkness Defined

What?

He shifted restlessly. The dream seemed to go from bad to worse. Seriously questioning my life choices, I squatted next to him. My hand hovered above his arm. Did I really want to do this?

He groaned and his face twisted in what could only be pain. Strained as our friendship had become, I couldn’t sit here and watch him suffer. In a moment of bravery, I reached out and touched his shoulder. When he didn’t react, I gave him a light shake.

“Matt. Matt.” Another shake.

Stubborn even in your sleep.

“Matt, it’s okay. Wake up.” At the next shake, he startled up, eyes wild and nearly stabbing me with the pencil clutched tightly in his fist. “Easy, it’s alright. You were just dreaming.”

Finally, his alarmed gaze focused on me. I was surprised to see the fear almost instantly be replaced by relief. “What happened?” He broke the contact and pushed himself up.

“You fell asleep reading.” I gestured to the still open book.

He looked over at it, confused, then snapped it shut, hiding his sketch.

I ignored the unusual behavior. “Maybe you should go to bed.”

He nodded his head. “You’re probably right. I haven’t been sleeping well. Should have known it would eventually catch up with me.”

A sharp pain lanced through my chest. I couldn’t help but feel responsible. He was lying about coping, that much I could tell. I got out of the way as he swiveled his legs around to get up.

He set the book on the side table and scrubbed at his face. If I hadn’t been such a mess myself, I might have laughed. He didn’t say another word, just stood and shuffled off to his room, looking very much like a zombie.

I eyed the discarded book. After seeing his reaction, I was now keen to get a better look at that drawing. I was just about to pick it up when he shuffled back into the room substantially faster than he’d left.

He looked around like he’d already forgotten what he was searching for, then stepped over to retrieve the book. Again, in perfect silence, he disappeared into his room, closing the door firmly behind him. So much for me doing more research.

Chapter 21

Back to Normal

M

Thedreamsweresteadilydriving me insane. Gone were the days of reliving our day. Now it was always Alex kissing me. Alex kissing me in the rain, in the stacks, on the couch, in the kitchen, on the floor, in the training room. Anywhere we’d had a close call, my sleeping mind followed through with the natural conclusion. No interaction was spared. And it didn’t matter what I did or how I acted when awake.

If I pretended nothing was wrong, that nothing had changed, we inevitably ended up too close. I was starting to think that was actually my fault. But if I tried to give us each some space, I was absolutely miserable, and he got sullen, not that he’d never admit it. I continued hanging out with the guys from our math class. They were cool, albeit a little preoccupied with picking up chicks. I’d tried that too, but hadn’t shared their single-minded focus.

As confusing as the dreams were, they were better than the nightmares. Without fail, if I didn’t spend at least a good part of the day talking with Alex, then horrible visions of him leaving, of never getting to see or laugh with him again, plagued my nights. I needed to figure this out. Preferably before my nightmares became self-fulfilling prophecies. Why was I having any of these dreams in the first place? I’d never dreamed before I came here, not with any level of detail anyway. But even that first night in the dorm, I’d been accosted with vivid dream after vivid dream. And now they’d all escalated. For fuck’s sake, he’d walked in on me rubbing one out thinking about him.

I shook my head and finished packing my bag. Was it me? I could always get Alex to kiss me again. But there was no way he’d do it on his own. He was already tiptoeing around me like I’d turn on him any minute. That made me sad. I’d never hurt him, at least not intentionally. I walked into the living room with the bag slung over my shoulder. Alex, of course, was already ready, though I was a little surprised he’d waited for me.

“Good morning,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.

“Morning,” he replied without looking up from the research book.

I sagged. He wouldn’t even look at me. I’d hoped that getting him to do the class project with me would help to resume some normalcy, but that wasn’t looking to be the case. “You ready to go?” I shifted my pack.

“Of course.” He shut the book and stood up in one fluid motion. I couldn’t help but notice the grace with which he moved. I certainly wasn’t graceful like that.

“Alex.”

He looked over at me. Did I have the same circles under my eyes as he did? “What?”

I stalled out. What could I say? That I missed my friend? How things used to be? That I was having terrible nightmares about him disappearing? Or even better, that I was dreaming of making out with him and it was confusing as hell? All of these things I should have been able to talk to my best friend about and yet, I couldn’t seem to say anything. “Nothing, we should get going. Don’t want to be late.”

He opened the door. “Since when do you care about being late?”