Page 92 of Carter

I listen intently, staring at the ground as I usually do. It’s what most of us do, staring at the ground, the walls, the ceiling as we listen.

Maybe it’s a confidence thing.

Maybe it’s a respect thing, not wanting to make the person speaking feel uncomfortable.

Maybe it’s both. Or maybe it’s something else entirely.

Glenn is here because he was sexually abused by his father until he was seventeen. There isn’t a time when he remembers not being touched by his father. It’s fucked up. Really fucked up.We’ve all been through some shit, but something like that, it hits in a different way.

Glenn is twenty-three now, and he’s working really hard on getting his life on track. He’s especially confused about his sexuality, which he is very open about. He’s been coming here for over a year. He never misses. He speaks when he can. He’s a good guy, and I hope he gets what he needs from this place.

“So, the new therapist, Leigha, suggested I visit my mother. I did that over the weekend, and, uh… I’m not really sure how I feel about it. I don’t blame her for what happened; I never have. My father was manipulative, and I don’t think she knew, but I can’t help but feel some way toward her.”

I nod in agreement, understanding that on my own level. My parents should be there for me during this time, but they aren’t. Though, now that’s my choice. After they started pushing me to get over Ryan’s death, I cut ties. I couldn’t handle it.

“Mothers are supposed to protect, same as fathers. They both failed you in some way, even if one of them wasn’t intentional,” Hannah adds.

“Yeah, maybe that’s it,” Glenn says agreeably.

He goes on to talk about how he spoke with his mom but couldn’t stay long because seeing her made him think of his father. I’m listening, but I can’t help but wonder if this is something Nash would want to do. Would he want to come to this? Would it help? Do I want him here? In this safe space?

“Thank you for sharing, Glenn. Does anyone else have something they want to share?” Tim asks.

“I do,” I say, lifting my hand. “It’ll be quick.”

“You know there’s no time limit, Carter. Go ahead.”

“I’m sort of seeing someone,” I say confidently. I look around as I say it, getting a few smiles and nods of approval. “We haven’t put a label on it or anything, but he’s been supporting me through Ryan’s case. I’ve come to trust him. I just wantedto share this in hopes it’ll give other people hope. I didn’t think I would ever get to this point with someone, and though it isn’t much yet, it’s something.”

“Do you have news on Ryan’s case?” Kane asks, giving me anI-told-you-solook that I ignore.

“Not really, no. They’re still trying to find the assault victim. If they do, hopefully she will have information on the attacker.” I look around, smiling softly. “But, uh… that’s all I really wanted to share.”

“Thank you for that, Carter,” Tim says. “It’s good to hear good things. Who wants to go next?”

People take their turns talking about whatever they need to get off their chest. Others give their input. Some stay quiet the entire time because they just need to listen or aren’t ready to share. When group is over, everyone grabs their things and heads out into the cold night, as we usually do.

“Can I walk you?” Kane asks.

“Don’t you always?” I say.

“Always want to ask. Just in case… you know.”

“In case what?”

“Well, if you have a boyfriend now, I don’t want him jealous.”

I scoff, giving him a playful shove. “He’s not myboyfriend. And I would never be with someone who didn’t like me being with friends.”

He puts his hand on his chest. “You’re so sweet, Carter.”

I shove him again, this time harder. “Shut up.”

“You look happy,” he says after we’ve been walking a moment.

I shrug. “I feel better than I have in a long time. Like, finally there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not close, but it’s there. I can see it.”

“If you two get serious, I want to meet him.”