Page 52 of Carter

“I’m looking,” he says firmly. Confidently.

It gives me a new type of hope. Just as simple as that. He says something, I believe it. Because that’s what Nash has given me. Not only hope or the respect of taking this case seriously, but he’s giving me a break. He’s someone I can put a little bit of that weight I’m carrying onto and trust him to hold it for me. I don’t have to worry about it every moment of every day. I can take his word for it and trust that he’ll tell me what I need to know. I’ve never had that before. And maybe I never needed it before. I didn’t even know I needed it now. Not until I met him and he gave it to me without knowing.

Our food comes. We’d ordered a large pizza to share and each got our own drink.

“So,” I say. “How does New York pizza compare to Chicago?”

He huffs a small laugh. “My brother would kill me if he heard me say this, but I think it’s better.”

I laugh, reaching for another slice. “Do you miss it there?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know if miss is the right word. I think about it sometimes. Worry about my brother. But I don’t have the urge to go back.”

“I think that makes sense,” I say. “It’s kind of how I feel about work. I don’t miss it, but I enjoy it when I’m there. Think about it sometimes.”

“When did you discover your love for books? Have you always enjoyed reading?”

“God no,” I answer. “Even now, I don’t know if Ilovereading. Ryan loved books. Movies. He just loved stories. Escaping into fun realities. You thinkI’ma sucker for love, you should have methim. He was such a sap.” I shake my head as I think abouthim, unable to stop the smile from forming. “My job at the library kind of just happened on a whim. I don’t read as much as I wish I could.”

Nash has a strange look on his face, like he’s amazed by something suddenly.

“What?” I ask.

“You’re smiling.”

“Yeah, I do that sometimes.”

“You’re talking about Ryan, and you’re smiling.”

What he’s saying hits me, and I get it. I’m thinking about Ryan, and I’m happy. I’m not sad or stressed… I’m having a good memory.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

My smile widens. “Thank you for that.”

“Didn’t do anything.”

“You did, but don’t ask me what.”

He chuckles. “How’s Teddy?”

I can’t help but grin some more. “After I talked to you on Saturday, I stayed with her for another twenty minutes or so. When I started to get up, she didn’t run back to her corner like she usually does. She wanted me to stay. Which… made me happy and sad at the same time.”

“Happy because she trusts you, she’s doing better. Sad because you can’t give her that all the time.”

“Exactly.”

I sip my soda and wipe my mouth, sitting back in the booth and staring at the half-eaten pizza. We’re both full, but finish our drinks without saying a word, just sitting in comfortable silence.

Nash pays the bill. I don’t bother arguing anymore. He offers for me to take the rest of the pizza home. I don’t argue that either. He holds the door for me as I walk out. It’s dark.

“What time is it?” I ask.

He glances at his watch. “Almost eight.”

“Wow. We sat in there for that long?”

“Guess so. Let me give you a ride home.”