Page 111 of Carter

“We have the warrant and we’re going to get him in about an hour. Which is what I needed to talk to you about. Are you able to get home okay?”

I huff a laugh. “Are you serious? I’ve been getting home okay for years. And for this? I’ll figure it out.” I shake my head. “Do you think it’s the right person?”

“Yes, I do. But I also know how the system works, so there’s no guarantee. But I wanted you to know, to hear it from me first. I’m sure it’ll be in the news or something because they always get wind of everything going on.”

“Thank you for telling me,” I say. “Seriously, Nash. You have been amazing. I can’t even—I don’t know what to say.”

A wave of dread washes over me, and I don’t know why. What am I worried about? Why am I reacting this way? I should be happy.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could be there for you right now.”

“You’re doing what you need to do. You’re right where you need to be.”

“Yeah, I am. I always will be.”

“I know. And I’m sorry, I’m just… in shock. I can’t believe this is happening. That you… that you figured this out. In just a few weeks, when no one else ever did. Nash, I… I don’t even know what to say.”

And I said that already, but it’s true. My mind keeps going blank.

“You don’t have to say anything, Carter. I’m doing my job. I’m doing the right thing. What should have been done three damn years ago.”

“I know, but it’s so much more than that. To me, anyway.” Tears sting my eyes. “Will I see you tonight?”

“Absolutely. It’ll probably be late, but I’ll be there. I’ll call you first.”

“I can’t wait to see you,” I whisper.

“Me either. I’ll talk to you soon.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to sayI love you.

But it feels like the wrong time. Not now, not like this.

“Bye.”

“Wait, Nash?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For all of this.”

“You are so welcome.”

I end the call and mindlessly finish my snack as I think about everything that’s happened over the last month. I’m angry but relieved. I could have had this peace years ago if only these police did their damn jobs. It’s unfair. Yet, had that happened, I wouldn’t have met Nash, and who knows where I’d be mentally. Would solving it then have helped me heal by now? Or is it because the murderer is still out there?

Nash would tell me to move forward, to not worry about the past. Don’t dwell on things we can’t change.

I think Ryan would say the same thing.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

I’m not going to be bitter and angry about what could have been. I’m going to look forward to the future. I’m going to be grateful that the man who murdered Ryan is going to jail, because I will do whatever it takes to make sure that man gets put behind bars. Whatever it takes.

Getting home in the rain does suck. I considered calling a ride but the rain has slowed so I suck it up and go. Nothing has froze yet, so I don’t slip, and instead, just get really cold all the way home. The moment I’m in my apartment, I close and lock the door and go right to the shower, shedding my clothes on the way. I dump them into my laundry basket and hang my coat on therack to hopefully dry by tomorrow. It’s the only coat I have and winter isn’t over. I turn the heat up a few degrees to help the process.