Page 83 of The Prince's Sacrifice

If Tor had only kept his mouth shut, he might not have lost Pel.

Then he frowned. But if he hadn’t lost Pel, what would have happened next? Would Pel even now be in the cell next to him? Might Varex have seriously considered that Pel had been his co-conspirator in the world’s most nonsensical plot?

Instead, Varex had let Pel go, seeming to think that Tor had used Pel like a pawn. Maybe this was the best thing that could have happened to Pel. Tor wouldn’t ever wish that hurt on the man, but it had got him out of the castle… and it had revealed a truth that Tor should no doubt have confessed before they’d started anything serious.

His gut squirmed, and he grimaced. He’d really managed to convince himself that it didn’t matter, that the only people who knew the full scope of the plan were Ada and Rin, and he could have sworn them to secrecy.

In retrospect, expecting the two people he was closest to to keep this secret from someone he hoped they’d become the best of friends with wasn’t his wisest moment. But it was becoming increasingly obvious that Tor wasn’t having a lot of wise moments these days.

So it felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, adding to that howling void. He no doubt deserved that. He’d messed with Pel’s feelings, even if he hadn’t meant to. He’d started playing a game that not everyone had known was being played. He’d thought he could keep everything under control.

He’d been so incredibly wrong.

Everything had spun out of control, and Tor was left with nothing. Possibly literally nothing if his brother actually decided Tor had committed treason. He blew out a stuttering breath.Surely, they weren’t actually there yet. It had been tense in the throne room, and tempers had flared. When everyone calmed down, he hoped that he could explain more rationally. Maybe Beluna, Cavun, and Denil would be willing to testify to what had happened on the mountain. It sounded like Forex had either made details up completely or found some guards who were willing to lie about what had happened.

Torwouldfight for the truth, but if the cost of saving all those people was Tor’s life… He swallowed thickly. Well, if that was the cost, he would pay it. Even sitting here now, locked in a cell that was a lot smaller than he remembered from childhood, he was filled with certainty that he couldn’t have done anything differently. And no matter how upset Pel was with Tor, he’d still advocate for those children; Tor knew that, too. Pel could continue to explain everything to Varex, who would probably prevent Forex from doing anything drastic.

There was nothing Tor regretted about the last few months—except for the lie to Pel that had started everything.

He was desperately glad the man was away and safe, but he would forever regret that he’d made the man think everything between them had been fake.

With the beautiful clarity of hindsight, Tor could see that he should really have insisted on talking to Varex at the beginning. What if he’d dismounted and asked his brother for a quick chat the morning he left? Or what if he’d gone to Vayrin and simply told Terila he was uninterested? He’d been worried that he’d be trapped, but it wasn’t like someone could be bonded against their will. He could have simply refused. Instead, he’d tried to beclever, and he’d hurt the one man who least deserved to be hurt.

If Tor had never come up with the idea, he’d never have even met Pel properly—but it was becoming very clear that would probably be better for Pel.

He sighed. But if he hadn’t been there, everyone might have died up that mountain, and Tor couldn’t wish that, not even to save Pel the pain of Tor’s terribly ill-judged actions.

Groaning, Tor admitted that he’d done everything wrong, as per usual. He’d known they needed to address what had happened in the mountains in the throne room, but he hadn’t even introduced Pel. Might he have been able to turn the discussion at least a little if they’d started with politeness instead of immediate accusations? Might Pel have felt more valued if Tor hadn’t practically forgotten about him? Yes, it had been an extreme situation, but Tor should have done better.

He’d made the mistake of thinking that he could simply explain what had really happened before moving on to his true priority, which was introducing Pel to his brother.

Tor had missed far too much about how badly their relationship had deteriorated. Because Tor was a fool.

He tilted his head back further so he could stare up at the stone ceiling. They were completely underground here, and of course this area had no crystal lights—nor any Extraordinary who could light them, not anymore. A conventional lamp burned on a hook in the hallway, far enough away to cast only a dim glow.

Tor supposed he should be grateful they hadn’t left him in pitch darkness.

The setting fit his mood, which was something, he supposed. He was questioning all the decisions his past self had made. He could have confessed to Pel when he had the chance, but no, Tor had tried to be clever again, had tried to hide when he should have laid himself bare. Did he never learn his lesson?

And now here he was, hollow and cold and stuck in a dungeon.

Maybe the goddess really did deliver direct, harsh justice when she was moved to do so.

He wondered idly if this was what Pel felt like all the time, a gaping hole where his magic should be. Or because he didn’t know any different, it felt normal to him. It was anawfulfeeling, and Tor sympathized with every Unremarkable—which brought him up short, because he was pretty sure Pel would break his nose for such a sentiment.

Tor now had as much magic as Pel did. He could practically hear Pel asking him if he’d like to make any more statements about how he was lacking right now? Tor swallowed thickly. He really wouldn’t mind a broken nose if that’s what got Pel back in his life.

He’d reshaped his entire life around the man, and hewantedthat shape. He wanted desperately to keep it. Envisioning his life without him was all loneliness and lack of purpose.

On the other hand, if he were executed for treason, he wouldn’t have to worry about that, now would he?

He closed his eyes and reminded himself that at least Pel was safe. He’d return to Tond, maybe have a screaming match with his father, and go back to being quietly astonishing. In fact, if Pel relayed what had happened, Forex might be so delighted he wouldn’t even mind Pel’s moment of overt opposition.

Tor grimaced as he realized he wasn’t going to get to bring any of the Tondians’ issues to Varex, either. He didn’t like the idea of breaking his word to them. Sure, he’d said he might not manage in every case, but he’d genuinely intended to advocate on their behalf.

Even if Varex spoke to him again, Tor didn’t suppose that anything he said would be taken at face value. With Tor’s current luck, any issue he mentioned would be assumed to be a conspiracy or a lie.

Yeah, he couldn’t risk that. He’d say nothing as the safest thing for everyone. And before he knew it, he’d be nothing but a memory. Pel would go back to his regular solo visits of the farmsand villages, and they’d slip right back into the habits they’d always had without Tor.