Page 9 of Wish For Me

We like to tease the five youngest cousins in the family, because it’s healthy for them to remember how annoying they are, but the truth is we all miss the days when the pack of them could be found roaming between the family houses any hour of the day.

“Who are we waiting for?” My cousin Wyatt asks, reaching for one of the sugar cookies stacked high in the center of the table.

Paige smacks his hand. “Fox and June aren’t here yet.”

My brother River makes a big show of huffing and rolling his eyes. “The movie star always making the little people wait.”

“June had class, actually,” our sister informs him. “I had lunch with her on campus today.”

My younger brother Fox got into acting a few years ago and fell head-over-heels with his co-star, the very famous Juniper Cain. Since they got together, June decided to take a break from acting. She’s taking some classes at the same university as the Littles and is talking about maybe going for her teaching certificate. It’s a pretty big jump from starring in huge blockbusters, but she seems happy about it.

And my brother sends the entire family group thread pictures of her grades and hangs her essays on their kitchen fridge, which is painfully adorable.

“Speak of the devil,” River calls when the front door swings open. We do the whole greeting chaos all over again and I lose Poppy and Harrison to Fox, who is incredibly competitive with me and the twins about our niece and nephews’ affection. June is pulled into an empty seat between Vega and CeCe, who aren’t quite over having a famous movie star in our midst, while Fox joins me, River, his wife Jasmine, and Leo.

With the entire family finally together, Aunt Paige moves into Christmas Cookie Dictator mode. She takes this party—and the cookies we produce—very seriously. The treats that we’re decorating tonight will be given as gifts to the residents of the women’s shelters Aunt Sam and I run, as well as to the various employees of the Ransome Family—people who work at the record label, the staff at our family’s charitable foundation, everyone at Jasmine and River’s skate park, and the employees at my Grandma Ruby’s bar. It’s a sweet gesture, wanting to do something personal for the people who help us, but Paige is anything but sweet when it comes to her standards. The woman can be deceptive—most of the time she’s all bubbly and happy, but when she wants something done, you better watch out.

Which means that half the family takes extreme delight in trying to piss her off whenever we do something like this. Usually, it’s my Uncle Cash leading the opposition, and today is no exception.

“Sorry, Paige,” he says. “Did you want these stars iced with blue or yellow frosting?”

She glares at him. “Why would I want them to be blue? Have you ever seen a blue star? Stars are yellow.”

“Actually,” Wyatt cuts in. “There are blue stars in space. I think they’re the hottest ones.”

“Wouldn’t they be the coldest?” River asks. “Blue seems like it would be cold.”

“No, idiot. Red are the coldest,” our little brother Ash calls out.

“So you want the star cookies to be red, Paige?” My dad asks, all faux-innocent even as his mouth twitches.

Aunt Paige looks like she’s going to start putting people in time out—which is literally a thing she’s done on more than one occasion. It’s almost always my Uncle Cash who pushes her to that point, but the way she’s glaring at my dad and brothers doesn’t look good for their chances.

“The stars are yellow,” she growls, and I hide my face in my long blonde hair to keep from laughing.

One of Paige’s girls has cranked up some Christmas music to be heard over the chatter and laughter of my family. The Littles are all jabbering non-stop about college and how amazing it is. River is giving Fox shit about his next movie role. My dad has taken Poppy into his lap and is helping his granddaughter to spread green icing over a Christmas tree. My mom is sitting at a table on the other side of the room, but she catches my eye and smiles.

I smile back, then have to duck my head so she won’t see the expression on my face. There’s a lump in my throat, and I do my best to swallow it before anyone tries to draw me into conversation.

But Leo doesn’t need to hear what I’m sure would be my shaky voice to know that something is wrong. His big palm lands just above my knee and he gives my leg a squeeze.

I thought maybe the negative pregnancy test was a sign that moving was the right step for us. But now that I’m here with my family, everything feels unclear again.

Okay, it feels unclear for me. Leo already knows his answer. He’d be ready to leave tomorrow if he thought it was what I wanted. I’m the one who’s holding us up.

And it’s everyone in this room who are making it so hard for me. My family might be certifiably insane, but how in the hell am I supposed to leave them? Two years is such a long time.

Whatever we decide, we’re going to be together,Leo has said, over and over.And that’s all that matters.

I know that he means it—this man would give up anything for me. He really does love me that much. I have no idea how I got so lucky.

But I also know this is such a huge opportunity for him. They invited him for this fellowship specifically. They sought him out. He has the chance to go and live in another country and do exactly the kind of work he’s invested so many years in.

I’ve been lucky enough to travel all over with my dad and his rock star brothers, but Leo didn’t have those advantages growing up. The fellowship will give him the chance to live overseas and there’s plenty of travel built in. We’ll be able to go and see the places he’s only dreamed of—together.

But in order to do that, he’ll have to agree to a two-year contract. Two years of living on the other side of the ocean. Two years being nine thousand miles away from our family. Yes, planes exist. So do video chats. It’s not like I won’t be able to visit or see them. But I’ve never lived away from my siblings, parents, or cousins. I didn’t even go away to college, instead choosing to live in an apartment with my brother and cousin and go to a local university.

It’s really hard to imagine a life where I can’t just drive a few minutes and see at least one other Ransome.