Page 82 of More For Me

Everly

The sick feeling won’t go away no matter what I do. I try to distract myself with work. I try to get lost in cuddly baby time when I volunteer to watch Poppy for a few hours. I pick up the phone to call Alex and tell her everything a dozen times. I pick up the phone to call Bodhi even more than that.

This is the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other, and it’s all my fault. He hasn’t been coming home. Fox isn’t sure where he’s staying, but he said he has talked to Leo and he knows Bodhi is okay.

But my cousin’s eyes look different when he tells me that. He looks…disapproving. Like he knows I did something to hurt Bodhi and he’s trying not to be obvious about how angry he is with me.

I don’t blame him. Everyone should be angry with me.

Bodhi is that rare truly good person. He always puts other people first. Always helps when someone needs it. Celebrates his friends’ wins. Supports them during the bad times. He can break the heaviest tension with one of his silly jokes. Can brighten any mood just by smiling.

He wasn’t smiling in my office on Saturday. I don’t think I’ve ever, ever seen Bodhi look like that. Not just hurt, but shocked. He looked like the ground had just been yanked out under his feet. Like someone he trusted suddenly betrayed him.

Because that’s exactly what I did.

“Girl,” Alex says, and I look up to see her leaning against the doorway to the back room. “You can’t keep going on like this.”

“Like what?” I ask defensively.

She rolls her eyes. “How many hours have you been at the store so far this week?”

“Why does it matter? I have a lot to do—”

“Bullshit. You don’t have so much to do that you need to be here for fourteen hours every day.” She crosses her arms. “You haven’t been going into the office, either. You’re doing all your work from this room.”

I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to set foot in that office again. All I can see when I even think about it is the way Bodhi’s face looked when I lied.

My expression must do something at the thought of it, because Alex winces and comes over to sit in the seat next to mine.

“You need to talk to me.”

But I don’t know how to tell her this. How can I tell my best friend that I’m actually a terrible person? A terrible person who hurts kind, decent, beautiful men like Bodhi Lakra.

“You and Bodhi have known each other for a very long time,” she says gently. I don’t even bother to deny that this is about him. She knows me too well. “I don’t see how there could be any problem that you can’t work through together.”

“I was horrible, Alex,” I whisper. “Really, really horrible. I don’t blame him for not wanting to see me.”

“That boy loves you, Lele, and we all know it.”

Maybe he did, once. But I can pretty much guarantee that ship has sailed.

“You need to talk to him. Apologize for whatever you did to upset him. He’ll be able to tell how sincere you are.”

“What if he won’t forgive me?”

Her expression turns stern. “If you really did hurt him, does it matter? Apologies aren’t what we say in an attempt to get someone to forgive us, babe. We apologize because we feel sorry. We apologize because it’s the right thing to do.”

“Oh, God,” I mutter, covering my face. “You’re totally right.” Not only was I awful in how I reacted to the kiss, I’m behaving even worse right now by letting this go on as long as it has. How could I not have told him I’m sorry yet? Am I seriously that big of a coward that I can’t even bring myself to apologize for hurting one of the most important people in my life? What iswrongwith me?

“Go talk to him,” she urges. “Right now. Don’t let it wait, Everly. Not if it’s important.”

I jump up from the table, looking around for my purse, my keys. Now that I’ve decided, I feel an almost panicked urge to get home and apologize. To try to make this better. To make him feel better. “Where the hell is all my stuff?” I cry.

Alex, always the calm counterpoint to my crazy, hands me my purse. “Keys are in there. Phone’s next to the sewing machine.”

I grab my things, swooping down to kiss her cheek before I dart out of the work room. It’s a struggle not to speed the entire way home. It’s not until I’m turning onto our street that I realize he might not be there. My heart sinks.

He’s been spending his nights somewhere else. Fox said he’s stopped by a few times to grab clothes and other stuff, but there’s no guarantee this will be one of those times.