Page 53 of More For Me

Bodhi

By the time we leave my parents’ house, I’m so tired I can barely stand. The neighborhood is quiet and there’s a slight chill in the air as we step out onto the porch. I suck in a deep breath, looking up at the night sky. Not many stars to be seen in Los Angeles. I have a sudden yearning to get out of here, to drive and drive until I find some quiet, empty place to just be for a while. I’ve been camping for most of my life, and the idea of holing up in the woods all on my own sounds incredibly appealing.

Without a word, Everly takes my keys from my hand and walks down the path to where my Jeep is parked on the street.

I follow her, but stop before climbing into the passenger seat to look back at the house. It feels wrong to leave, especially with Dad gone. But Nisha insisted. She and Dev are going to spend the night with the kids and they’re all going to drive down to San Diego first thing in the morning to go to the zoo. I offered to go as well, but she put her foot down. She knows what this dinner takes from me.

Usually it’s Dad standing at the door, telling both his kids to go. “Time to get back to life,” he would always say. Baba is adamant that our mourning ritual not extend beyond the one night. Hell, he often seemed annoyed at even hosting the annual dinner.

And tonight he hadn’t been here at all.

A flash of anger pierces through my exhaustion. I can’t believe he skipped this. I can’t believe he would do that to mom.

The Jeep’s engine rumbles to life and I startle, once again half-surprised to see Everly sitting there in the driver’s seat. That kept happening tonight. I was so focused on my mom, on trying to make everything okay for her, that I kept forgetting Everly had joined us.

I pull open the passenger door and climb inside. “What about your car?”

“I’ll have Fox or someone drive me back over tomorrow to get it. I think you’re too tired to drive.”

As if to prove her point, my head immediately falls back to the seat cushion as I close my eyes, a fresh wave of exhaustion washing over me.

“Put your seat belt on, please,” she murmurs.

A few minutes later, we’re making our way down the highway towards our house. Traffic is heavy even at this time of night—that’s LA. For once, it doesn’t bother me. I’m usually in a hurry to get wherever I’m going, and I hate sitting still on the road. But right now, I have no desire to be anywhere, really. At least the car is quiet and I don’t have to talk to anyone. And the soft scent of Everly’s perfume lingers in the air, soothing me in a way nothing else can.

I look over at her, trying to make out her features in the dark interior. Her jaw is set, eyes fixed firmly on the road.

“You’re mad at me,” I finally say, startling her.

“No I’m not.”

“Really? I’d be mad at you if our roles were reversed.”

She’s quiet for a minute. “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me. I…I’m hurt.” She straightens her shoulders. “But we can talk about that another time. It’s not something you need to worry about. Not tonight.”

A bitter laugh escapes me. “Really? ‘Cause it feels like worrying about other people’s hurt is all I’ve done tonight.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about mine.”

Something about her calm tone is getting under my skin, and not in a good way. Her kindness, her understanding, seem to grate on me, rubbing against that aching place in my chest and making it suddenly unbearable.

“That’s what you want, right? For me not to worry about you. Not to care that you’ve barely been home all week. Pretend like everything is just fine.”

“Bodhi.”

I’m picking a fight with her and I know it. But I can’t seem to stop myself. “Do you have any idea how fucking tired I am of pretending everything is fine?”

“No,” she snaps, her own anger finally breaking through the calm facade. “I don’t know. Because I had no idea you were pretending! You’re supposed to be my best friend! You let me go on foryears, Bodhi, thinking you were fine, not even knowing you had—” she cuts herself off, breathing hard. “I’m not doing this tonight.”

“Why not?”Fight with me,I beg her silently.I need to know that you give a shit. Yell at me, Everly. Please.

“Because I’m not going to be another thing that causes you pain tonight!” she cries.

“Too fucking late for that,Lele.”

She gasps like I slapped her and all of a sudden, I want out of this fucking car. I should have insisted she go back home when I first saw her in front of the house. Should have demanded she drive her own car back after dinner. God, I should have stayed with my mother, not foisted the responsibility off to my sister.

“Turn around.”