Page 42 of The One You Want

Chapter 10

Ididn’t know how long I sat there after she’d left, starring blankly at the table. The shame and fear mixed in my stomach, making me wish I hadn’t eaten so much of my sandwich. The idea of my grandparents being so angry terrified me. I knew that it wasn’t entirely logical. My aversion to making them unhappy was likely just an immature holdover from my youthful days of trying to impressthem.

But there had been real danger in her veiled threat. The truth was, my grandparents controlled my life in just about every way imaginable. They owned the condo I called home. They administered my trust fund. They were the only family who actually took an interest in my life. Pretty much everything I had was mine because of Walter and Caroline Hillman. If my grandmother was serious about taking a firmer hand in the direction of my life, they could make things very difficult forme.

That fact not only scared me, but also filled me with shame. I was twenty-eight years old, for God’s sake. It was ridiculous that I relied on them so much. Every other person that I knew had long since taken control of their own lives. My friends had careers and responsibilities and relationships and bills and all of those other things that come along with adulthood. I knew it wasn’t easy for them, but they all seemed to manageokay.

What was so wrong with me that I couldn’t say thesame?

I was so caught up in feeling sorry for myself that I barely heard the soft chiming of bells over the door. It wasn’t until a familiar voice called my name that I even realized someone had comein.

“Jenny?”

I jumped in my seat, startled from my morose thoughts, and saw Margaret waving at me from the counter. Her expression changed as her gaze searched my face, from friendly to decidedly worried. “Hang on a minute,” she said to Mike, then made her way across the small cafe to my table. “Are youokay?”

I did my best to arrange my features into a pleasant expression. “Fine,” I told her, just a shade too brightly. “Daydreaming.”

Her worried eyes told me that she wasn’t buying it. “Can I sit down?” she asked, gesturing to the chair my grandmother hadvacated.

“Uh, sure,” I replied, even as I cursed silently. The last thing I needed right then was another round of self-help book insanity. If I wanted that, I could just go outside, where the other girls were still excitedlyworking.

But Margaret’s first words surprised me. “I think I owe you anapology.”

“What? Noyou—”

She held up a hand. “I got pretty carried away last night.” She gave me a sheepish smile. “After I walked in on Logan, I was really down for a while. Not eating, crying all the time.” She sighed. “And then, when I finally started to feel mad, instead of sad, I kind of clung to that, youknow?”

I had never been very good at feeling mad, but I smiled at her all the same. “I can seethat.”

“Anyhow, I was running on lots of adrenaline and way too much coffee. Hence the crazy.” She leaned forward and placed a hand over mine on the table. “I really do believe in this book. I think it will help a lot of people. But it was super rude to just expect you to step aside and let me takeover.”

“Margaret, it was nobig—”

“No,” she said firmly. “You brought all those supplies, you had it all planned. I was totally a pride infiltrator last night, and I apologize. That’s not the way we’re supposed to treat our sisters. The booksays—”

I wasn’t able to hold back my grimace in time, and Margaret definitely caught it. Her lips twitched with amusement. “You’re not sold yet,huh?”

Well, shoot. I might not be into this whole self-help journey thing but I didn’t want to make her feel bad about something that obviously meant a lot toher.

“I’m just not sure if it’s really mything.”

She released my hand and sat back in her chair, watching me for a long moment. “You know, that kind of surprises me. I thought this would be right up youralley.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why’sthat?”

“Because you’re so…” she waved her hand in front of me, as if to encompass my entire being in the motion. “You know.Timid.”

It wasn’t like it was something I had never heard before. Still, I felt my hackles starting torise.

“I don’t mean any offense,” she said quickly, her face completely sincere. “We all have things we want to change about ourselves. Look at me.” She held out her hands. “I am way too trusting, obviously. I don’t do a very good job standing up for myself in my relationships. And I am way too happy to put other people’s needs before my own.” She leaned forward, eyes sparkling with intensity. “But this book really helped me, Jenny. And I think it could help youtoo.”

“But I already tried all this,” I blurted out without thinking. Everything she was saying was only adding to my frustration. I was so tired of looking at my life and knowing I was lacking—and feeling completely incapable of doing anything aboutit.

“What do youmean?”

I swallowed, wishing I had kept my mouth shut. “Look, I know that I’m kind of amess—”

“Don’t say that,” she said sharply, frowning. “You need to believe in yourself, or the process will neverwork.”