Page 90 of Good For Me

“You sure you wouldn’t like me better if I was wearing my boots?” I intend for it to be a joke, to lighten the sudden intensity sparking between us, but the way his eyes darken when he looks down at my legs and three-inch heels only makes it worse.

Before he can say anything, there’s a murmur in the crowd and I look up to see Will’s younger brother, Silas, approaching a chair next to the archway. He picks up an acoustic guitar and starts to play a stripped-down version of Pachelbel’s Canon in D.

“Oh, he looks so handsome,” Everly breathes, sounding a little teary herself. As Silas plays, Wyatt, their older brother, makes his way up the aisle, holding hands with their sister CeCe. I haven’t talked to Wyatt much this weekend—he always seems to be pretty occupied with Alex, who he’s dating. When he passes our row, she murmurs, “Looking hot in the tux, Bambi,” at him and I see him grin as he takes his place at the front of the crowd.

Then Will himself is coming up the aisle, arm-in-arm with his mom. Will’s face looks gruff, but in the few days I’ve known him I’ve come to expect that. With his tattoos, beard, and bulky body, Will Ransome is a little intimidating. He looks damn good in that tux, though. I can understand how he managed to snag a girl like Eva Lidell.

Will leans down to kiss his mother’s cheek before she takes her seat next to CeCe in the front row. Next, an auburn-haired woman—I’m pretty sure she’s Eva’s sister—makes her way up the aisle, grinning ear to ear.

Silas’s song changes. It takes a moment for me to recognize “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles. The officiant motions for the guests to stand and everyone turns to see Eva at the foot of the aisle, her hand tucked into Cash’s arm.

“Oh,” Alex gasps softly. “I didn’t know he was walking with her.”

“She was planning to walk alone,” Rose whispers back. “But she changed her mind at the last minute. Uncle Cash offered.”

“That’s so sweet,” Everly breathes, sounding a little close to tears herself.

I’d noticed that Eva didn’t have much family joining her at the farm this weekend. A group of her friends have been here since the first night but I haven’t seen anyone who might be a parent or older relative. I wonder if she and her sister have been on their own.

A lump lodges in my throat. I’ve never been the type of girl to spend much time imagining my future wedding—I’m not even sure I ever want to get married. But I have a very vivid memory of sitting in the church at my grandfather’s funeral and realizing that if I ever did have a wedding, he wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle.

I’d brushed it off as an errant thought at the time. So much of that awful week felt that way. Shocking and confusing, nothing really making sense. One minute I’d be trying to focus on funeral arrangements and the next I’d suddenly find myself wondering who would make our traditional Christmas morning waffles if he wasn’t around. The wedding thing had felt similar—some random firing in my over-worked brain that didn’t make much sense.

But it hits me again, now, watching Eva walk down the aisle with her future-father-in-law. She looks completely radiant in her lace boho-styled dress, red hair hanging in a shining curtain of waves down her back, her smile bright enough to light up a room. She certainly doesn’t look like a person dwelling on the absence of a father figure.

A wave of longing so strong it nearly takes my knees out from under me hits me. If I ever get married, my grandfather won’t be there. He’s not going to meet this baby.

I’m not ever going to see him again.

That isn’t news. It’s been two years. But every so often, it hits me out of the blue, the pain so sharp I can’t breathe, and it’s almost like losing him all over again.

My hand is suddenly enveloped in River’s big, warm palm. His fingers entwine with mine and he squeezes, hard. My first instinct is to pull away—vulnerable has never been my strong suit. But I’m feeling so raw all of a sudden, so overwhelmed with hurt, that I can’t bring myself to break the contact.

As I squeeze his hand back, I wonder how River picked up on what I was feeling. Could he see something in my face? Or had he just sensed that seeing Eva walking without her own father would affect me? I suppose it doesn’t matter. River knew I was in pain, and he wanted to help me. And somehow, that eases some of the pressure in my chest and I’m finally able to breathe again.

Cash and Eva have reached the front of the aisle and now my throat feels full for a different reason. The normally gruff, stoic looking Will Ransome is beaming so hard that his smile overtakes his entire face. He looks like a man who has no idea how he managed to get so lucky as to find himself meeting this woman at the end of a wedding aisle. It’s pretty damn sweet.

Cash releases Eva’s hand and pulls his son into a hug. There’s an intake of breath around me and I vaguely wonder if the cousins are touched by the affectionate display between father and son. But when Cash pulls away, his eyes clearly shining with tears, my row erupts in a quiet mix of groans and muted cheers. “Pay up, assholes,” River murmurs happily.

“I thought he’d at least make it to the vows,” Fox grumbles, passing a twenty down the row to River.

I laugh in spite of myself, vaguely thinking how strange it is I could feel anything like amusement when I was so upset just a moment ago. But maybe that’s just what it’s like to spend time with River Ransome—a little bit of sunshine even on the dark days.

Then I laugh some more when the cousins demonstrate that they’re not nearly as unaffected as they’d like to think. Everly starts crying pretty much as soon as Will and Eva join hands. When Will’s voice shakes during his vows, Rose starts dabbing at her eyes. And when Santana gets up to sing an Ella Fitzgerald song, even River and Fox are blinking rapidly.

This family loves each other so much. It makes my chest ache a little because the shear enormity of their closeness is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. But if I decide to keep this baby, he or she will have all this. Aunts and Uncles and grandparents and cousins. People who will love them fiercely. Loudly. Without any shame or hesitation.

IfI keep it, I remind myself, trying to ignore the way that thought makes my chest feel.

This time, I reach for River’s hand. If he’s surprised by my uncharacteristic display of affection, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he holds my hand tight for the rest of the ceremony.

* * *

You can sayone thing about the Ransome family—they know how to throw a party. After the ceremony is finished, the guests are all ushered over toward the cocktail area. I imagined a few bar tables set up and a place to get drinks. Instead I find swanky leather sofas and chairs grouped around the coolest tables I’ve ever seen—frosted glass cubes lit up from within in various colors. The whole area is up-lit with purple and blue, making it feel like a trendy dance club, not the lawn of the Ransomes’ vacation home.

I feel a little sorry for myself when Everly, Bodhi, Wyatt, and Alex appear holding cocktails. River squeezes my waist and murmurs that he’ll go get us sodas, leaving me with the others.

“That was so beautiful,” Everly sighs happily. It’s probably the third or fourth time I’ve heard her say that since the ceremony ended fifteen minutes ago.