Page 61 of Good For Me

I would kill for a beer with my burger, but I meant what I said to Jas on the drive over. If she can’t drink it or eat it, neither can I. So I stick with water and order us both the biggest cheeseburgers on the menu.

When Diana is gone, I turn back to Jas. Her lips are still twitching, like she’s fighting a laugh. “So Rose doesn’t see Doctor Wiezman?”

“Nope. My sister is a giant hippie. She sees some holistic midwife or something. She said there are wind chimes in the waiting room and they burn incense to help the patients relax. Didn’t really seem like your scene.”

She laughs. “Uh, no, not really.”

“Doctor Wiezman does some pro-bono work at the women’s shelter Rose runs. They offer medical treatment to the residents there.”

Jasmine’s eyes go wide. “Your sister runs a shelter?”

“She does. Well, Rose and my Aunt Sam. It’s one of the initiatives of our family’s charity foundation. But the shelter is Rose’s baby.”

Jas lets out a whistle. “Wow. That’s a pretty worthwhile career.”

“That’s Rose. She’s determined to leave the world better than she found it.”

Jas tilts her head, studying me, and I pray I didn’t let any bitterness into my voice when I said that. I don’t feel bitter about my sister’s life choices. Slightly jealous sometimes, that she’s so driven and sure of herself? A little put out by how perfect she is all the time? Maybe. I’m only human and it wasn’t always easy being the screw-up younger brother of the amazing Rose Ransome.

But I’m not bitter. Rosie is basically my hero and I’m more proud of her than anyone.

“What about you,” I ask. “What’s the grand plan for after you finish grad school?”

Her face drops, and I curse myself for being so stupid. She hasn’t said it yet, but I’m sure school is one of the primary reasons she’s so freaked out about the pregnancy.

I reach across the table and take her hand. “You’re going to finish school, Jas. No matter what.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” I’m not blowing smoke up her ass. Someone as single-minded and hardworking as her? Of course she’s going to accomplish her goals.

“Babies are expensive, River. A baby means I’m going to need a lot more money than I’m pulling in right now, working part time around my class schedule.”

“Maybe—but you’re not going to be paying for everything yourself.”

She blinks at me. “What doesthatmean?”

“Uh, that I’m going to help you?” Haven’t I made that clear already? I’ve told her a dozen times that she isn’t alone, that I’m going to support her.

She chews on her lip. “No offense, Riv, but a bartender doesn’t exactly bring in boatloads of cash, you know?”

My stomach turns sour. She has a point, of course. It’s not like I haven’t had the same thought. Supporting a family on tips isn’t ideal. But knowing all that doesn’t stop the sting from hearing her say it. That damn nasty voice in my head, the one that’s constantly reminding me I’m not good enough for her, forthem, gets louder.

“Maybe I’m not going to be a bartender forever,” I say, more sharply than I intended.

She purses her lips, quiet, most likely thinking that you can’t raise a baby on maybes.

I could tell her that it doesn’t matter either way. That I have a sizable trust fund. I won’t have complete control of it until I turn twenty-five, but I can start drawing payments from it at any time if my parents approve. So far, I’ve barely touched it, because I haven’t needed to. My essentials are pretty simple and my bartending gigs have been enough to cover my share of rent, as well as keep food in my belly and beer in my fridge. Anything left over goes to new surfboards and gear.

Obviously, that’s all going to change now. But telling her I plan to pay for our kid with my cushy trust fund doesn’t seem the kind of thing that will prove to Jas I’m more reliable than she thinks.

I don’t want to just throw money at this. I want to show her that I’m better than whatever preconceived notion she’s obviously still holding on to.

I want to show myself I’m better, too.

Diana appears with our burgers and we eat in silence for a few moments, both of us clearly starved. Jas makes a couple involuntary happy food love noises while she chows down, but I also hear her resigned sigh, more than once. In fact, it happens pretty much every time she sets her food down to take a drink.

“You’re bummed to be drinking water.”