Page 58 of Good For Me

“I already switched over to tea,” I tell her, glad I’ve done at least one thing right. “But I miss coffee like crazy.”

She smiles. “Decaf coffee is fine too, if you’re missing the taste or even just the habit of it.”

She lists a few more things I should and shouldn’t eat, and some information about changes I can expect in my body. By the time she’s finished, my head is spinning.

And then the real fun stuff starts.

“I’d like to start a dialogue about your plans,” she says in the same no-nonsense voice she’s used for everything else. “You mentioned this pregnancy was a surprise. And also that you’re planning to start graduate school soon?”

I nod, a familiar panic rising up. Dr. Wiezman holds my gaze. “Is there anything you’d like to discuss with me? Any questions you may have about your options?”

River tenses beside me and I try to ignore him—Dr. Wiezman doesn’t, though. Without taking her eyes from mine, she continues. “We can have this discussion in private, if you’d like.”

All that emotion I wasn’t feeling during the ultrasound? It crashes into me now, and I have to blink back the tears. She’s being so…nice. So completely non-judgmental and straight forward. I feel like this woman is completely in my corner. I know she’s not the only one. I have Brie, of course. And Chris. And maybe even River.

But it feels good to have someone outside of my circle to talk to. Someone unbiased that I can be real with.

“I haven’t decided about keeping it yet,” I blurt out, my eyes hot with unshed tears.

She slides a box of tissues across the desk. “Would you like to speak with me privately, Jasmine?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see River’s fists clench. He doesn’t like that idea. But I’m grateful for the offer, even if I’m not going to take her up on it.

“No. It’s fine.” I wave at River. “We’ve talked about this a bit.”

She nods. “If you’re considering termination—”

“No,” I say. It’s not that I hadn’t thought about it. I’m a staunchly pro-choice kind of girl. It just didn’t feel like the right decision forme. “I’m going to have the baby. I’m just not sure about what happens…after.”

She nods. “It’s a lot to consider. You should know the only right answer is the one that works for you. This isn’t a decision you can make for anyone else.” She lets that sink in a moment. “I can give you the names of several agencies that would be more than happy to talk to you—”

“Will they try to talk her into adoption?” River cuts in, a note of…anger maybe?—in his voice.

“Not at all,” she says, eyes still on me. “They’ll just give you information.”

I nod, not meeting River’s gaze when I say, “I’d like the names, please.”

“Of course.”

He’s quiet for the rest of the appointment, and still quiet as we drive back toward my apartment. I wonder what he’s thinking. I’d have figured he’d be relieved that I’m considering adoption. Surely he doesn’t actually want to completely uproot his life and become a father? But that wasn’t the vibe I got from him in there. Not at all.

We’re almost to my place, when he lets out a sigh. “Are you hungry? I’m freaking starving.”

I’m caught off guard. “Um, yeah, actually. I couldn’t eat before the appointment.”

“Me neither,” he admits.

“I thought you said you weren’t nervous?”

He shrugs, that familiar half smirk finally replacing the tense expression he’d been wearing since the adoption talk. “I was just trying to keep you from losing your shit.” The smirk grows. “I thought you were going to claw that nurse’s eyes out.”

I groan. “It took an effort, let me tell you. I really hope she’s not working the next time we come in.”

River shakes his head. “No worries. I talked to Doctor Wiezman while you were changing.”

I shift in the passenger seat to face him. “You talked to her about what?”

“That we’re not really at the gleeful, over-the-top excited stage right now. I told her we’re both pretty scared—which she already knew—and I asked her if the staff could tone it down a little.”