Page 48 of Good For Me

It was the best kind of sex, a kind of sex I don’t remember ever having with another woman. All sleepy and sated and slow. No hurry. No pressure. Just the two of us joining together in the darkness of my bedroom while the rest of the world slept on around us.

“I definitely used a condom that time,” I say slowly, trying to pinpoint the more technical details. “I remember because the box was empty and I had to rummage around in my nightstand.” I can recall the sheer panic of that moment, the desperation to find one. I honestly felt like if I couldn’t have her again, I was going to implode.

She frowns. “So if it didn’t come out of the box, did you check the package?”

“Why?” I ask, my voice way sharper than I meant it to be. “You think I don’t know what a condom feels like when I put it on my dick—”

There’s a slight gasp at my side. “Oh.”

I look up and see a waitress standing there, order pad in her hand, mouth open. Apparently, this is not an order at the counter kind of place after all.

I close my eyes, biting back a curse.

“Sorry,” Jas says to the waitress, her voice tight. “Can I have a decaf raspberry tea, please?” She looks at me. “Coffee?”

“Do you have any whiskey you can put in it?”

Jasmine glares at me and I wave my hands. “Sorry. A coffee is fine. Black, please.”

“Sure.” The waitress starts to back away, clearly eager to get away from the crazy man.

“Oh, wait,” Jas suddenly calls out to her. “Do you have any of those scones? The cherry chip ones?”

“Sure,” the waitress says.

“And maybe a muffin? Ooh, or a bagel? Do you have bagels?”

The waitress rattles off a few options and Jas nods eagerly, looking happier than I’ve seen her either last night or today. She ends up ordering a muffin, a scone, and a bagel with cream cheese. Apparently, she thinks she needs a lot of carbs to get through this conversation.

Jas shoots me a look as the waitress finally walks away. “Don’t say a word,” she snaps. “I’m hungry all the time and I throw up everything I eat until noon, so by the afternoon I could basically ingest a bus.”

Her words do something weird to my chest. She’s been sick. Because she’s pregnant. With my baby.

Holy fuck.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “I’m not handling this well. I’m just…”

“Surprised?” she asks. “Shocked? Freaking the hell out? Believe me, I felt exactly the same way.”

“When did you find out?” I’m desperately trying to do math in my head but everything still feels fuzzy and surreal. Were we together thirteen weeks ago? More than that?

Her cheeks flush. “Um. I found out last month.”

I gape at her. “Last month?” She nods, not meeting my eyes. “And you didn’t think you should share this with me?”

“It’s like I said—I was freaking out. I think I was in denial. I felt like if I just pretended it wasn’t happening…” She takes a deep shuddering breath and the flash of hot anger I’d felt at being kept in the dark dissipates. I can’t imagine what that would have felt like for her. How scared she must have been.

“I guess I’m in the second trimester,” she continues, sounding about as uncertain as I feel. “The puking hasn’t been so bad the last week, so that’s cool.”

That same weird feeling flashes in my chest. Protectiveness, I realize. I hate the idea that she’s been sick and there’s nothing I could do about it, that I didn’t even know. Fuck I was out there surfing and having a grand old time while she was dealing with this shit.

I don’t know how to ask my next question without sounding like an asshole, but Jas must read something in my eyes. “I’m going to have it,” she says softly.

Relief floods through me, bringing confusion with it. Isn’t relief the last thing I should be feeling? But I can’t deny it. I may have only known about this for approximately ten minutes, but the thought of Jasmine choosing to not have the baby makes me feel panicky.

“I haven’t decided if I’m keeping it, though,” she adds, and the panic comes roaring back in.

“What does that mean?” I ask, palms going sweaty. “I thought you said—”