Page 18 of Good For Me

We lie there like that for a long time, our hands entwined. I wish I could gather up all her sadness and take some of it onto my shoulders, to ease the pressure I instinctively know is resting on her chest right now. But somehow, the longer we lie there, the more she seems to lighten next to me. Like maybe just us being here is enough.

“What about you?” she finally asks, her voice soft in the darkness. “What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done.”

I chuckle. “Nothing so scandalous as stealing makeup,” I tell her. “My sins tend to revolve around fucking up and losing more jobs than I can count.” Then it’s my turn to sigh. “Unlike you, though, I haven’t quite managed to leave my fuck up days in the past.”

“You’ve lasted pretty long at Davie’s,” she points out.

Because of you,I think, but don’t say out loud. We’ve come a long way tonight—from her barely acknowledging me to the two of us dancing cheek-to-cheek and kissing—but I’m pretty sure she’s not ready to hear the depth of my obsession with her.

“It’s been a couple months,” I say instead. “Hardly impressive.”

“Do you enjoy bartending?” she asks.

“It’s fine. Better than sitting behind a desk.”

“Mmm,” she says noncommittally. “It doesn’t sound like you’re super passionate about your job. Maybe the problem is you haven’t found something you really like doing yet.”

“You sound like my parents.” And my aunts and uncles. And my grandparents. And most of my cousins.

She jabs a finger into my side. “Then your parents sound smart.”

I laugh. “They are. Doesn’t make it any easier to figure out what I want to do, though.”

“Hmm.”

Something about her tone has my defenses going up. It’s a familiar feeling. It’s pretty much how I feel whenever the subject of my checkered employment history comes up. Or whenever one of my siblings or cousins accomplishes something impressive and amazing. The default state for the family’s perpetual fuck up.

“It’s fine, though,” I say, trying to keep my voice smooth and easy. “Bartending is cool, for now. The hours mean I have my days free for surfing, I get to meet lots of people—”

“Lots of girls you mean,” she says drily.

“Not so many as you might think,” I mutter, really wanting to change the subject now. Talking about all my flaws with Jasmine isn’t exactly how I’d hoped to spend this time together.

She sighs. “I’m not judging. I clearly have shitty taste in men.” It takes me a minute to remember that the entire reason this night began is because her douchebag ex was cheating. A tide of anger rises up in me at the thought of him hurting her like that.

“He was an asshole, Jas,” I tell her firmly. “You deserve way better than that guy.”

She turns on her side, her elbow propped in the sand, face resting on her palm. “You think so?”

Her voice sounds different. A little lower, a touch of heat in her tone. It immediately does things to my body. I mimic her position, staring at the gorgeous face I haven’t been able to get off my mind in all these months.

“I do. I think you deserve everything good in this world.”

Her eyes widen a little, like maybe she’d expected something more flip. But I meant exactly what I said. Jas deserves it all.

She licks her lips and my eyes are immediately glued to her mouth. God, she has the most beautiful mouth, her lips plump and heart shaped. And now that I know exactly what they feel like, how sweet and soft they are, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at her without wanting to kiss her again.

“When’s the last time you had sex, River?” she asks suddenly, and I choke on nothing.

“Wasn’t expecting that question,” I mutter through coughs.

“We’re both adults, right?” she asks. “And you’re supposed to be this massive player. Don’t tell me you get nervous talking about sex.”

“I don’t know about massive player,” I mutter, not liking that assessment at all. “It’s been…I don’t know. A month? Six weeks?”

She sucks in a breath. “Is that long for you?”

Yes. Probably as long as I’ve gone since I first started having sex. But the last time had been with some girl I barely knew and I hadn’t even enjoyed myself. I just kept thinking about how empty it felt. Once I found myself wishing I was with a woman with grey eyes, I ended the night pretty fast. I might be every bit the asshole player Jasmine clearly thinks I am, but even I won’t stoop so low as to use another girl to help me stop thinking about someone else.