Page 110 of Good For Me

You just can’t see it yet,he’d told me.

And that, more than anything else, is what tells me I’m safe with River Ransome. He’s been nothing but patient with me. He hasn’t pushed once. It’s pretty obvious, even if I don’t want to admit it, that he’s had feelings for me for a while. Since he started working at Davie’s, probably. Still, though, he hasn’t put any pressure on me to make a decision. Not about the baby. Not about him.

Even the last text he sent.I hope so,he answered when I asked if I was coming to his house after work. He didn’t assume anything, didn’t try to talk me into anything. It’s like he knows I’m going to retreat if he presses. Because he gets me.

“You don’t know him,” I tell her softly.

“And you do?”

There’s something in her tone that has awareness rising in me. I narrow my eyes. “Brie? What aren’t you telling me?”

“Does he talk about his job much?”

That takes me by surprise. “Not really. I mean, he says he enjoys bartending okay but it’s not what he wants to be doing forever—”

“Not bartending in general,” she says, an edge to her voice. “I mean this job, his current job.”

Unease courses through me. “Not really. Why?”

She sighs. “Look, I didn’t want to bring this up. But Chris and I happened to be in that neighborhood Thursday night—”

“You happened to be in that neighborhood?” River’s current bartending gig is at a posh nightclub closer to his parent’s house in the Palisades. Not exactly Chris and Brie’s usual stomping grounds.

She rolls her eyes. “Fine. Chris wanted to get a look at him. Since, you know, you refuse to introduce them.”

I refuse to introduce my cousin to River because I’m completely sure Chris will act like a giant, overprotective douchebag. “What’s your point, Brie? What happened when you went in there?”

“He quit,” she blurts out. “I asked our waitress if he was working that night and she said he quit at the beginning of the week. Didn’t give notice. Just like at Davie’s.”

The unease in my belly grows. “He didn’t tell me that,” I murmur, wondering why that is. It’s not like I haven’t seen him this week. I’ve been spending my nights in his bed, for God’s sake.

Brie looks uncomfortable. “I’m not trying to like, rat him out or something. I honestly wasn’t even going to tell you.” She meets my eyes. “But I can’t help feeling worried about you. That night after you guys hooked up, you told me you were reluctant to start anything because he wasn’t serious about his life. He didn’t have a direction.”

“And you told me to go for it anyhow,” I shoot back, hearing the accusation in my voice.

She throws up her hands. “Yeah, when I thought it was just going to be banging. Or even dating. But things are different now, Jas. There’s no way this is going to be casual now, not with the baby. It scares me that you might let yourself get carried away with this guy when you don’t know if you can count on him.”

She has a point. I know she does. It’s pretty much what I’ve been telling myself this whole time. Don’t get over my head. Don’t risk my heart. Don’t take chances.

But being with River doesn’t feel like taking a chance. He doesn’t feel like a risk.

He quit his job a few weeks after finding out he’s going to be a father,a nagging voice in my head reminds me.And then didn’t tell you about it.

Am I just being naive in thinking I can count on him?

“God, I’m sorry,” Brie says suddenly, reaching for my hand. “I totally killed your good sex vibe. I’m such a bitch.”

“You are a bitch,” I say automatically. “But not about this.”

I stare down at the phone in my hand, wondering what to do next. I’d been all ready to ask River to come get me, to hopefully spend another blissful night in his bed. But now confusion has taken over, making me feel all mixed up. Frozen in indecision.

“God, this isn’t like me,” I mutter, running a hand across my face. “Ever since I found out about the baby I’ve been waffling on everything. Hiding away. It’s like I can’t make a decision to save my life. What the hell is up with that?”

“It was a big shock,” she points out.

“Yeah, but shouldn’t I be over it by now? Why am I still feeling so fucking paralyzed?” I feel tears of frustration sting my eyes and I blink furiously to keep them at bay. “This isn’t me, Brie.”

My best friend takes my shoulders, forcing me to face her. “We just need to get you your mojo back,” she says.