Page 107 of Good For Me

Jas:Is it weird that I’m relieved?

Me:I’m pretty relieved myself.

Jas:I was afraid your family was going to hate me.

I scoff. Like anyone could hate Jas.

Me:You might end up wishing they aren’t quite so happy. Everly is going to smother you in hugs when you get to the house, fair warning.

There’s a long pause before her next message and I wonder if she got a customer or if she’s hesitating because I mentioned the house.

Jas:Am I coming back to the house tonight?

Me:I hope so.

Another long pause. I close my eyes.Patient, River. Just be patient.

Will leans over. “You okay? You’re grimacing pretty hard at that phone.”

I shrug, trying to force a smile. “Jas is at work.”

He studies me, then scoots his chair a few feet closer, lowering his voice. “You’ve got the same look on your face as you did at the farm,” he murmurs. “The night we were all skating

Fuck. I should have known Will wasn’t going to forget about that. I feel heat come to my cheeks and I can’t meet his eyes.

“She’s, uh, not quite as happy about the pregnancy as I am,” I mumble. “Worried about how it’s going to affect her life, you know? She’s got school and stuff. She graduates before Christmas then she’s starting grad school in the new year. There’s a lot on her plate.” I realize that I’m babbling, and I sound defensive. Like I think my cousin is going to judge her for having doubts.

He nods. “I can see that. It’s a pretty big damn deal.”

“Yeah.” I take a swig of my water, once again wishing I had beer like everyone else. But I promised Jas. I think about that day at Ruby’s, making her the raspberry drink because she was bummed about not having beer with her burger. How touched she had seemed when I did it.

And how obviously terrified—and not at all happy—she’d been an hour before that when we saw the baby on the ultrasound the first time.

“She doesn’t know if she wants to keep it,” I blurt out, and immediately regret it.Way too fucking personal, River. “She’s still thinking about adoption.”

To my cousin’s credit, he doesn’t react right away. I’m not sure what I would do if he said something critical about her.

“That’s a decision she’s going to let you in on, right?” he finally asks.

“Of course.”

He’s quiet again, looking out over the ocean waves. Suddenly, I wish I had my surfboard. I wish I was way out there, in the only place where I can always find peace.

“It’s going to kill me if she doesn’t want to be involved,” I admit, something I’ve never said to anyone—something I don’t know if I can ever say to her.

“Would you do it without her?” he asks, sounding like he’s choosing his words carefully.

The idea of raising our baby without Jas sends a cold rush of terror through me. Even more than that, it makes me feel unimaginablysad. That future is not what I want. But the alternative…

“I can’t think about that,” I tell him, but deep down, I know the answer. I’m committed to this baby, even if I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. With or without Jas.

Please God, don’t let it be without her.

“You love her?”

I release a weak laugh. “Pretty sure I’ve loved her since the very first day I saw her at her uncle’s bar.”

“Then you know what you need to do,” he says. I turn my face in his direction. It’s hard to see in the dark, but I can feel the intensity in my cousin’s eyes. “You fight for her. You fight for the baby. For all of it.”