Page 85 of Wrong For Me

“I like it. Hmm. If you had to compete in a food competition to win a million dollars, what food are you eating?”

We go back and forth for a few minutes, adding whatever serious or silly questions and topics that come to us. When we start to run out of ideas, Leo points to my phone. “Think your aunt is still up? We could ask her for the final topic.”

“Oh, God,” I mutter, starting to tap at the screen. “You have no idea what you’re in for.”

Paige doesn’t text back right away, so we decide to get started with what we have. I scan the list. “First topic. What animal are you gonna be, Malone?”

Leo swirls the wine in his glass. “Have you ever heard of the antechinus of Australia?”

“Nope.”

“It’s a small rodent species. They literally have sex until they die.”

I stare at him. “Wait. What? No way.”

He nods eagerly. “Seriously! They just bang like crazy until their bodies start to shut down due to exhaustion. And then they get sick and they die.”

I blink a few times. “And this is the kind of animal you want to be?”

“Nah. I just think it wouldn’t be the worst way to go.”

“Wow. Okay. Not sure how to deal withthat. And now I feel a little silly because I was going to say something completely generic, like a dolphin or something.”

His eyes flash with amusement and I hold up my hand. “Please don’t give me a weird sex fact about dolphins. I don’t think I can take it.”

“I was only going to say that dolphins give themselves names. With like, specific whistle patterns. And they’ll respond to them and everything.”

“Well that’s pretty cool.”

He grins. “Also—male dolphins have been observed using eels to masturbate.”

“Leo!”

He holds up his hands. “It’s true!”

“You’re the worst!”

I’m quiet for a moment and he starts laughing. “You’re trying to picture it, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not! And even if Iwas, it would be purely for scientific curiosity.” He’s cracking up now and I’m having a hard time keeping a straight face. “Can we just move on, please?”

Leo takes pity on me and looks at the list. “Talent?”

I decide I wouldn’t mind being good at sports, since anything athletic is completely out of my comfort zone. Leo thinks for a long time before he admits wishing he could cook.

Eventually we land on a more serious topic. “If you couldn’t be a psychologist, what would you be?” Leo reads off.

“Am I allowed to say a therapist?”

He rolls his eyes. “Seeing as how those two professions are basically the same thing with differing amounts of schooling required, I’m going to say that answer is contrary to the spirit of the Talk List.”

I snort. “Spirit of the Talk List. My Aunt Paige would love you. Okay, not a therapist then…” It actually doesn’t take much thought, but I’m a little nervous he’ll laugh. “I would be a yoga instructor.”

“Seriously?”

“Yup. I’m certified already.”

“You’re a certified yoga instructor.” He’s staring at me. “Yeah, I’m gonna need to hear more about this.”