Page 128 of Sing For Me

When he doesn’t respond, I go on, voice getting louder as my temper stretches. “So, yeah, I wanted to talk to Luke tonight. Someone who has experiences with these dreams. Someone who wouldtalk backwhen I shared things with him.”

He ignores my last jab, taking another sip of whiskey. It’s almost empty now, the ice cubes rattling at the bottom, and I wonder how long he’s been sitting out here in the dark while I was on the phone. “I just find it very telling,” he finally says. “It’s pretty obvious you don’t trust me.”

Silence rings in my ears as I gape at him. He did not just say that. Will, who blew up at his family in front of me then kept me in the dark for the last two weeks while he’s gotten steadily more withdrawn and irritated, retreating farther and farther into his own dark mood, did not just accuse me of not trusting him.

“I don’t trust you?” I whisper, and I wonder if he can hear the warning in my voice. He should be terrified of me right now—I’mpissed. “Idon’t trustyou.”

When he doesn’t say anything, I stomp over to stand in front of his chair. “You know what my nightmares are about, Will? Every single time it’s the same damn dream. I go back to those moments at the club, right after the fire started, when everyone was trying to escape.” I swallow.Do not cry in front of him.“In a stampede like that, people aren’t rational. They don’t know what they’re doing.”

His eyes narrow and he looks like he wants to say something, but he clenches his jaw instead.

“We were all trying to get through the same door backstage. It was so crowded and…”Fuck. I hate him, a little, for making me do this. For sitting there so still and cold while I relive those moments. “There was a guy, a really big guy. I think he was trying to get up onto this stack of amps to get out of the throng. And he grabbed me and…” Will’s hands clench, like he’s trying not to reach for me.

“He pulled me down. Used my body as leverage. He was panicking, totally out of his mind. And I…I was pinned under him while everyone was rushing around. More people stepped on me. Then the scaffolding came down.”

I take in a deep shuddering breath. “I told you once that being physically close to people can trigger my flashbacks. I didn’t tell you how much worse it is when it’s men. Men who are bigger than me.” I gesture at his huge form on the couch. “It was months before I could hug Luke or Caleb or even Geoff—Geoff, who I’ve known my entire life!”

I gulp in a breath, chest tight. “But you—I let you hold me, Will. I lay in a bed with you. I layunderneathyou, let you inside of me. Do you have any idea how many times the scared voice in my head warns me to run? But I force myself not to listen because a louder part of my brain knows that I’m safe with you.”

I’m close to tears, angry enough to break something. “Don’t you ever fucking tell me that I don’t trust you. Every minute of every day I spend with you requires me to trust you in a way you can’t even understand.”

He just stares at me for a long, silent moment. I can see the battle in his eyes, the desire to take me in his arms to comfort me warring with something else. Something I don’t understand. Something he refuses to tell me about.

So I barrel on. “Let’s talk about trust, Will,” I say, my voice low and tight. “Let’s talk about being open with each other.”

Whatever war he was fighting in his head seems to come to an abrupt end and he stands, stalking away from me. I follow him into the kitchen, where he reaches for more whiskey.

“Youdon’t talk tome.”

“That’s bullshit,” he mutters, back to me.

“Yeah? Then tell me why you’re so mad at your father? Why you’re so mad at your uncles?”

His broad shoulders tense, but he doesn’t turn around. And he doesn’t say a word.

“Why didn’t I know you can play guitar like that? Why do you get so tense whenever I talk about going back to work? Why did it piss you off so much that your brother wants to be in a band—”

He finally spins around, his eyes flashing. “Because I’ve seen what that shit does,” he snarls. “That industry destroys people, Eva. And I’ve had a front row seat to the aftermath.”

I blink up at him, surprised by the sudden outburst after so much cold silence. “When?”

He runs his hands through his hair, eyes squeezed tightly shut. “I can’t do this,” he finally mutters.

“Can’t do what? Can’t talk to me?”

He just stands there, eyes closed, face like marble, and something deep inside me seems to fall from my chest into my stomach, leaden and sharp. “I’m being open with you,” I say, voice shaking. “I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone. But you have no plans to reciprocate, do you? You’re never going to tell me what’s going on in your head. You’re never going to let me in.”

He finally opens his eyes and I wish he hadn’t. I hate what I see there—so much pain and anger and something that looks a lot like hopelessness. It scares me.

“Maybe this was a mistake.”

I take a step back, more shocked than if he would have screamed at me. “What?”

He gestures between the two of us. “This was a bad idea. I’m obviously not cut out for this kind of thing.”

“For a relationship?” I ask, aghast. How could he possibly think that? Doesn’t he see all the ways he’s helped me? How much stronger I am since I met him? Doesn’t he see the way all of his cousins and siblings rely on him? How much they all adore him? Those are all relationships—and he excels at them.

“Eventually, you’re going to go back to work.” He casts a glance to the living room and the date book he left open there. “Maybe sooner than I thought. You won’t have time for me.”